In Bleak Midwinter

Chapter Eleven

Small Heath was unusually quiet the morning Emily decided to visit Tommy. She sat in Tommy's kitchen waiting aimlessly for him to return home from Charlie's yard, gripping a large cup of tea and anxiously trying to control her hands from shaking the hot liquid all over her lap. She was wearing a neat white and blue dress; her brunette hair braided and wrapped in a bun, alongside a selection of silver rings she wore to play with, hoping it would focus her mind on what she needed to say.

The silence was broken by the 11 o'clock chime heard from the clock on the mantle piece - the irony of the chime perfectly juxtaposed the peace that was inevitably waiting to be broken. Emily stared at the clock. She wished in that moment it would spin backwards and take her away from the situation she found herself so deeply implemented in. She closed her eyes and awaited her fate. For the first time in her life, she was terrified of Tommy's awaited reaction.
———

The door opened. Tommy emerged from the hall, placing his cap and coat over the chair next to Emily's. He didn't seem surprised she was there, nor did he ask how she got in.
"How are you?" He smiled.
"Tommy I need to talk to you" Emily quickly responded. Her eyes were now open again and she could see Tommy's smile turn to a frown.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He questioned.
"Are you expecting anyone in the next half hour?" She said looking around anxiously.
"Pol is supposed to be over with Micheal soon... Emily, what's going on?" He said, moving quickly beside her. Emily looked at the man and said nothing.
"Come into my office" he gestured, taking her hand and moving her into the other room. Tommy shut the door behind and leant against the wall behind his desk. Emily stood awkwardly in front of the desk.
"Talk to me Emily. You're concerning me" he admitted vulnerably whilst lighting a cigarette.
Emily took a deep sigh and began playing with her rings.
"I have to marry Lord White".
Tommy didn't say anything. He stood frozen in front of the woman as his cheeks faded into a pale whiteness that definitely was not a sign of good health. For a moment, Emily was unsure whether the message had been lost in translation, and his response was merely an opportunity for her to take back what she had said and pretended she had not mentioned anything. Tommy went to take the cigarette out of his mouth; it was the first movement he made for approximately 30 seconds.

"My father had arranged the marriage. Henry proposed the other evening and in the midst of it all I said yes... I was going to tell you the other evening but I couldn't bring myself to do it... but I thought you should hear it from me" Emily admitted.
Tommys face turned from blankness into a large frown. He nodded almost sarcastically to her confession and proceeded to then get angry.
"Right... So you do love him then?" He said, flicking the ash from his cigarette resentfully across the desk and then placing it back in his mouth for another toke. He awaited her response.
Emily inhaled and looked away in frustration. She had previously told him on numerous occasions that she had no romantic attraction or feelings for Lord White; she had made that very clear to him, and for him to question her loyalties vexed her.
"Tommy you know I have always loved you".

Tommy sat down in shock and despair. He placed the lit cigarette into the ash tray on his desk; the smoke continued to persistently escape from the remains. He leant back and stared at the ceiling whilst taking in a deep sigh.

"You know I would do anything to be with you Tommy. I have spent years hoping that things would be different, and that we could be happy together... it was all that I had ever wanted... but I cannot control this".

The smoke created a transparent wall between the two as the air grew bleak and depressing. The unspoken love between them which had been growing unconditionally throughout the years had been irrevocably shattered within a second of Emily's confession. Tommy had never felt such a pain like this before; the pain consumed him. He did not move or change any expression. Instead he just sat frozen in time.
"I love you Emily" he quietly whispered as his voice began to crack with emotion.
Emily took one brief look at the man she loved and then proceeded to look down, hiding her emotion convincingly in the moment; her face was downcast as she played with her rings. Tommy scratched his face as the smoke embodied him, still unsure how to place his thoughts into words.

For a short second, Emily thought about the baby. She thought to tell him but ultimately decided against it - she had inevitably caused him enough pain today. She took another deep breath in and looked back up to him.
"I'm going to go" she paused, "I'm sorry".
Before he could respond, Emily had closed the door behind her.
———

Tommy sat for hours in the same position until he heard a small knock coming from the other side of the office door.
Tommy briefly looked up and grunted "who is it?"
"It's Pol with Micheal, John and Arthur... can we come in?"
Tommy sighed and rubbed his eyes.
The door opened and in came the family, sitting down in the various chairs spread around the room. Micheal began talking business, unaware of the fact Tommy was not listening.
"Is everything okay Thomas?" Polly interrupted.
Tommy clicked his tongue and nodded slowly, lowering his eyes again. Micheal looked at Polly who then looked over at John. John knew exactly what was wrong. He could tell from his brothers change in behaviour that Emily had confessed.

"You know something John" Polly noticed.
"Know what?" John muttered.
"Why he's behaving strangely" Polly glared.
"What do you know John?" Tommy said abruptly, looking up at them all.
John shrugged guiltily and sniffed, "I don't know what you're implying".
Polly turned and looked over to Tommy. He was searching through papers on his desk and began talking to Micheal about business. Unable to find what he was looking for, he launched the papers across the desk in frustration.

"Tom..." Arthur sighed.
"Emily's engaged to Lord White" Tommy burst.
There was a brief silence.
"I'm sorry Tommy" Polly frown sympathetically.

"I'm going to kill him" Tommy announced precipitously.
"You can't" John snapped.
Tommy glared at John vacantly - this vacancy was a dangerous illusion, hiding Tommy's broken fury behind his large conspicuous eyes.
"You'll hurt her" John confessed.
Tommy's reaction was a simple scoff as he rubbed his head.
"What the bloody hell is going on?" Arthur questioned.
"She didn't have a choice Tommy" John continued.
"You knew?" Tommy spat.
"Yeah" John nodded, sniffing again, "But she told me it's not what she wanted. It wasn't her decision it was her fathers. But killing Lord White will destroy her and the baby; more importantly you'll be facing the noose, and none of us would be able to save you from it. There has to be some limitations Tom".
Silence fell again; the Shelby's looked at one another.

"Baby?" Tommy questioned.
John's face turned white.
"My dream last night... Polly gasped, "it all makes sense..."
"You knew after Em's outburst the other evening?" Micheal asked.

Tommy slammed his hand against the table and erupted in anger. "You fucking knew!"
John tutted, cocking his head back in growing anger.
"Not now John" Arthur spotted.
"Get out" Tommy shouted, "all of you get out!"
"She was going to tell you Tommy... she loves you" John shouted.
Polly, Micheal and Arthur moved swiftly towards the door; before they left, Polly glanced over at Tommy and sighed before leaving, John following briefly after...