The Physics of Love

Chapter 26

'How do you know if you like someone?' Annie pours the batter into the cake pan and starts licking the spoon.

'You could've scraped that bowl much better. It would've made a bigger cake.' I come closer with my index finger extended. She pushes me away instantly, guarding her baby. 'Of course, then you wouldn't have had anything to treat yourself with in the meantime.'

'It's more tasteful when it's raw, I don't know why we bake cakes at all. Answer my question!'

I try to stick my finger into the batter once more, again without success.

'Well, I guess you like someone when you can spend a day with that person without being bored or pissed off,' I pick one of the washed strawberries prepared for the garnish, but Annie's voice startles me and I drop it immediately.

'Leave it! You veggie frutti addict! I need it for later.' Her spoon looks clean by now. 'So, what else?'

'Hmm...I guess you should find his face really pleasant looking.' The person suddenly gets a gender as I imagine Ted's features.

Annie's trying to smooth the tops with a spatula. She looks pretty skilled and devoted.

'What else?'

'Everything you do for him should be easy. For example, look how much effort you're putting into squeezing those bubbles out and you don't seem tired at all! That's because you love cake more than life.' I'm trying to keep my face straight.

'You just go on and mess with me and my love for beating up people will take over!'

'I'm already visualizing you slapping me with that spatula. Noah would enjoy the scene.'

'That's probably true,' Annie says pensively, licking the spatula now.

'That's not hygienic.'

She couldn't care less. The spot on the wall right behind my shoulder seems to be holding all her attention instead.

'And how do you know something's missing?' she asks after a pause.

Right...So that's what we're talking about. I love when she beats around the bush until she falls right into it.

'Is everything okay with Noah?'

'Yeah, I was just wondering...'

'You weren't just wondering. And that surface is perfectly smooth. You could ice skate on it.'

She opens the oven and shoves the pan into it.

'What is it, Annie?'

'It's nothing...I just feel sometimes that the excitement fizzled out and things got a little bland, that's all. And I don't know if that's normal.'

'Ahh...I see. I guess it's got to happen eventually.'

'Yeah, but isn't it too soon?'

I reach for strawberries again, but Annie's reproachful look stops me.

'You're the only one who knows whether you're happy, Annie. Nobody will answer that question for you.'

'I know. It's just that Noah is so wonderful and I simply don't know what I want. Something must be wrong with me.'

'Sometimes you know what you want only when you see it. Stop beating yourself up about it.'

The kitchen is getting warm from the stove heat and I enjoy it. Annie stares blankly into the distance, with the spoon still in her mouth.

'What was it like for dad? Was he just bored?'

How didn't I get it right away? Since she found out about the affair, she's never smiled like the old Annie, even though she pretends everything's okay. She must be thinking about it more then I can guess.

'Did you try to talk to him?'

'Of course not, he won't even talk to mom openly. He's the guilty one, so whenever she starts investigating, he gets defensive.' She takes a deep breath. 'But still, I'm trying to understand him instead of judging him. He's my dad and I know he's a good person. But he still did a bad thing. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of it.'

She starts collecting the dirty dishes and putting them into the dishwasher. Her moves are a little too swift for glass and porcelain.

'D'you want some help?'

'I mean, I know there were fights and all, but I thought it was normal in a marriage, right?' she doesn't register my words. 'Shouldn't there be a bigger reason to move on to another person?'

'Maybe there was.'

'Like what? Mom was spending too much money on clothes?'

I don't say anything. This could actually be the thing. At least, Mrs. Cooper looks amazing every day.

'Maybe my mom is right when she says there are things you can't understand until you grow up. She also says that young people idealize love and that in the end it comes down to who's gonna take the trash out. And if that arrangement works well, then you can call it love.'

'Wow, I'm looking forward to my future in waste management. Maybe I should marry a garbage man!'

'Actually, the politically correct term is sanitation engineer.'

She bursts into laughter. 'Well, as long as it's politically correct!'

The dishes are done, minus the spoon she's having trouble saying goodbye to, and Annie gets a mop to clean the counter.

'Maybe he was simply unhappy. And he didn't want to break the family apart for you.'

'And look how well that turned out.'

'Is there a chance your parents work it out somehow?'

'I don't know. I'm not sure if I want it any more, it all turned into a big charade.' She throws a mop into a sink and slumps onto the bar stool. She looks pale and tired.

'Is this a New Year's cake?' I try to change the subject.

'Do I need an excuse to make a cake?'

'No, I'm just asking.'

Annie looks at me with despair I haven't seen in her eyes before.

'I just needed a little pick-me-up. And cake always does that for me.'