bros (a bxb story)

Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen: Ship Sets Sail

I'm not sure how it happened, but after that moment in the Gay Alliance office, Sammy became my new best friend.

As kids, he was always my bro. Always there. I was the shy kid, trying to find my place at a new school in fourth grade. Kenny immediately took me under his wing, and Sammy came with him, two for the price of one. They were best buds. Joined at the hip. We hung out after school, but I always knew I was the third wheel. But thankful to be included. Finally finding my own place with them at the end of fifth grade.

On the first day of middle school we met Jeremy. And for me, that was it. He was always cool. Always had an answer. Always had a special something. We were best friends, in the way Kenny and Sammy were. I loved feeling like we were a set. The two of us. We did literally everything together. Did homework together. Afternoon snacks. Bike rides. Normal stupid kid stuff.

Sammy was always there too. Always a part of our four man crew. But although we got along in everything, all of my focus in the past was on Jeremy. He shined so brightly, that everything else seemed in his shadow. He was the strong one. He helped me if I freaked out. Sammy was far less talkative than all of us. He was smart. Sarcastically funny at just the right moment. But kept to himself. Not in an obviously introverted way. He always was very present, always along for all of our adventures, messing more with Kenny. We used his house as home base, mostly because Stella was a bossy bitch, but fun to hang out with. It was cool to share her as our mascot/sister.

I do remember when his mom died, he got really really quiet. Not so laid back quiet. But blank quiet. I remember one day after school, maybe about a month after, when he took apart his bike, out of the blue, with his dad's tools. Saying he'd never ride it again, since she died on hers, hit by a drunk driver.

That day, Kenny and Jeremy weren't there, I don't remember why. I remember being scared because he was so tense I could see the tendons in his arms and his jaw was clenched so hard. But he was completely silent. I desperately wanted to find Stella to beg her to help, but I couldn't leave him alone, even just to go inside the house. I just sat and watched him take apart his bike.

"That was probably dumb, but I don't care," he'd said, after throwing a tire against the closed garage door. I remember I walked up to him. He was standing so still, and I felt so helpless against such scary grief that I couldn't comprehend. But I hugged him from behind, a little hard for me to do, because I'd started to grow and he stayed the same height from when I'd first met him. I couldn't think of anything to say, but I hugged him. And later that night, I helped him put his bike back together.

A few months later, he started learning to do tricks on his bike, and I felt so relieved because in my head, that meant he was happy again. I don't know if he really was, we didn't ever really talk like that, but it seemed like it to me, at the time.

Those few minutes in the garage was probably the most important moment between us that I remember.

Until the Boardwalk Bros. And those random spots of connections we shared. Tying my shoe. The necklace. The sticky note game. When he was sick on Valentine's Day.

And even though I was infatuated with Jeremy during all of those moments, I couldn't help feeling something for Sammy. Fluttery. Comfortably uncomfortable. Arousal. I'm not blind, even though I was deep in denial. I thought, suspected he felt something too. Wasn't completely convinced about his relationship with Alma.

Then...the rainbow bracelet.

I found out that my bro, my friend, had kept his secret far more successfully and for longer than I ever had. But we didn't talk about it. I didn't ask. He didn't say anything more.