bros (a bxb story)

Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: The Mirror

Jeremy stopped his car in front of our dorm building, but when I got out, instead of parking or whatever, he drove away.

I got it. I didn't think I could face sleeping in the same room with him tonight either.

I didn't want to go upstairs into an apartment where Sammy was waiting. I didn't think I could face him. Not after what just happened.

So I went for a walk on campus. It was dark and cold and it was hard to walk cause my ass and lower back felt like shit. But I didn't stop. I walked everywhere, not looking up, trying not to think even. Trying just to walk it off. Trying not to face the fact that I might not be friends with Jeremy any more. My best friend. I felt disgusted and angry and so sad and lonely just thinking of his name.

Nope. Nope. Not going there. I'm just going to walk and not think.

But then it struck me, as I leaned against the wall of one of the history buildings, up on a slope, overlooking a garden space. There were dark clouds above me, illuminated from a moon hidden in their depths. It was obviously going to rain soon.

Maybe I needed to think. I'd spent the last five months or so on autopilot. Fuck, maybe all nineteen years of my life, I'd just been the type of kid who went along with everyone and everything. Which is fine when you're ten. But maybe I needed to get my fucking shit together.

But that was easier said than done. Right now my insides felt like they'd been through a blender. I felt like I'd stepped off a cliff. Hard to get your shit together when you're still falling.

I had to find somewhere to crash, since it was starting to rain. My date outfit was not equipped with a hoodie, and I just wanted to go to sleep so badly. And find some Ibuprofen.

I didn't really have any other friends besides my bros. Ivy? No...ha! No.

I knocked on the only other door available to me. I had to knock a ton, and I knew why, felt shitty about it, but it was her fault basically anyway.

Stella opened the door to her dorm apartment, at least cracked it open. Her red hair was curled extravagantly and she was wearing a low cut burgundy dress. "Jimmy? What..."

=

She let me in, thankfully.

I sat on her couch, crying. She sat next to me, arm around me, letting me get her outfit snotty. Her manicured nails clicked against my neck, which was kind of gross, but at the same time, reassuring.

"All right, Jimmy. It's okay. Shhhhhhh.... It's okay. Whatever it is...it's okay." She patted me and rocked me a little.

I shook my head. It felt like it would never be okay again.

"Yes, dude. Yes, bro. It will." Cody sat down on the other side of me, with a mug of tea. He was also dressed up and obviously I'd screwed up their big Valentine's date. Maybe. Which made me cry harder, thinking of the shit show date I'd just experienced.

"I'm gay!!" I sputtered through my tears. Then put my hands over my mouth, trying to stuff the words back in but it was too late.

I waited for the shocked silence or the appalled faces.

It didn't happen.

Stella continued to look sympathetic and Cody nodded. "Yeah? Good for you, Jimmy. Do you feel better now? Does it help to say it out loud?"

"Aren't you guys...surprised?" Cause I sure the fuck was when I truly finally faced it.

"Not really, Jimmy," Stella said, wincing. "We've...it's not that... it was pretty clear to us."