Rêveries

Chapter 74.

Without saying anything, I pull her into a hug, because her words are going to make me cry any second. I feel her let out a few cries over my shoulder, but she quickly pulls herself together before letting me go, walking past me into my room and over to my closet where she starts folding them to help me pack.

She's been such great company and she's helped me distract myself from so much during the time I've been here. The fact that she took me in and let me stay with them was more than generous enough, and she's done so much more than that. When my mother has been too far, she's stepped in and been a safe space. Her saying this is making me feel that I might have been the same for her as she's been alone for some time since Hervé passed, and I'd hate for her to feel alone again now that I'm moving, even if I'm not going far. I hope she knows she's always welcome to the new apartment as well, if the space gets too overwhelming.

We spent the rest of the evening together, she helped me pack and then we cooked together. Arthur joined us later in the evening to watch a movie, and it ended up with me falling asleep on the couch with my head on Pascale's shoulder, where she let me sleep until the end of the movie, until Arthur took me up to bed by carrying me on his back.

He let me down on the bed and looked around the room that had been emptied out from all my personal stuff. I had only left some frames on the walls and one on the edge of my bed of Charles, Arthur and I for when I stay here sometimes. My closet was mostly empty, my desk had been emptied along with one of my bookshelves, the one with my favorite books and the books I haven't read yet. I even took some of Jules' stuff with me, because I always want to feel like I have him with me. The more important stuff I left at the house, knowing Pascale won't let anything happen to them and they won't get lost anywhere.

"C'est tellement bizarre de te voir tout remballer à nouveau," It's so weird to see you packing it all up again, he said as he looked around, touching the packed boxes as they were stacked in the middle of the room. Again.

Last time I packed everything up to move, I kind of always knew I'd come back. This is my home and where I grew up. I was in denial about actually living in Sweden and I always looked at it like something temporary, something that would only last until mom and dad would feel okay to come back. But this time I know it's more permanent. I'm 19 and I'm only getting older, I know I won't come back. If I don't live in the new apartment, then I'll be living somewhere else, because it's not exactly normal to move back home when you're grown up.

"Je sais... comment vais-je me réveiller si tu ne me réveilles pas tous les matins?" I know... how will I wake up if you don't wake me up every morning? I asked, looking at him with a frown. He chuckled and shook his head.

"Grandis, il faudrait que ça s'arrête tôt ou tard de toute façon..." Grow up, it would have to stop sooner or later anyway... he laughed and it just made me frown more, because I don't think I like growing up. It gives me this weird anxiety, and it might be because my life kind of went on halt when Jules left, and now I'm mentally stuck there. My old therapist used to babbel about that a lot.

Arthur stayed the night in my room, and we talked about some of the memories in the house. He also made fun of me for being so scared to leave, but then he continued to remind me about all the annoying things all boys, even Charles, do that I will now have to deal with. Like not leaving shoes at the door, leaving the toilet seat open or just not throwing bottles out of the shower when it's empty. Though, I leave hair everywhere and I keep forgetting where I put things. I also really suck at putting clothes away, they're usually everywhere. Sometimes I think that Charles might be the cleaner one out of the two of us.

When Charles got back from his trip, we went out to just get everything we needed for the apartment, which is everything. Things for the kitchen, the bedroom, bathroom, living room, decorations and everything that you don't even think about until you see it and you realize that you actually might. Like a wine bottle opener or a strainer, or batteries for the TV remote.