Spider Monkey

Chapter Sixty - Six - Still Here

When he made it to Alexandria, Rick and some of his people were not there. When Hedley asked Aaron where they were, he told him that they had gone to Oceanside - where a group of women had taken refuge - to make a deal about guns. Hedley quickly explained what he'd found out and Aaron promised that they would be returning tonight.

So that left Hedley with some time to kill. He decided to go to where the Dixons' call home and found Carol inside, watching Judith play on the floor.

"Hey." He called and when Carol saw him, she jumped up and hugged him tight and started to cry in relief.

"Oh, Spider Monkey. I'm so glad you're okay."

Hedley held onto the woman, the familiar scent of her instantly calming his already hectic mind. "I've missed you."

She kissed his forehead, "I've missed you so much." Judith cheered his name, stumbling over on unsure legs and making grabby hands at Hedley. "Looks like someone else has missed you too."

Hedley took Judith into his arms and kissed her chubby cheeks. She giggled and nuzzled his neck, kicking her little legs in excitement.

Carol asked if he was hungry and when he said he was, she got him a bowl of stew and a few rounds of bread and placed them on the coffee table. When Hedley began to eat, Judith sitting on his lap, Carol spoke.

"How have you been since..." She sighed sadly, her hand going to her neck where Merle's dog tags dangled against her chest, "Sorry. It's such a stupid question. I know that I've locked myself away since..."

"Merle?"

It was as if saying his name was all too much for her.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I haven't been -"

"N-No. Don't." Hedley reassured, reaching out to hold her hand, "I-It's okay. I understand, Carol."

"Still, It doesn't excuse the fact that I hid away... even when you were taken-"

"I'm okay."

She smiled at him, eyes wet, "Okay. Is there anything you want to say or-"

"I just wanna know w-why." He admitted, "Why does Negan do this?"

Carol sighed, turning her entire body to face his, "I'd like to tell you that it gets better, easier. But It doesn't. I know you have questions that don't have answers. The 'What If's and the 'Why that's." She wiped the wetness from her face. 

It made Hedley realise something. "W-We're never going to be the same. Are we?"

"No. Merle -" Saying his name made her croak with grief, "He brought something special in both of us. Safety, security, love, loyalty. He holds a place inside our hearts. But that place is never going away. He's still here." She placed a hand over his chest, "In our hearts."

"Do you really b-believe that?"

Her lower lip wobbled, looking down in heartache. She whispered, "I'm trying to."

After finishing his stew and playing some more with Judith, a knock came at the door.

Hedley stood up to get it, Judith falling asleep on his chest. Carol was upstairs doing laundry.

Hedley opened the door to find Aaron. He looked concerned.

"What is it?"

"Rosita. She's here. She said that she and Sasha were taken by Negan's group. She managed to escape but with the help of one of Negan's men. He's in the prison cell right now but Rosita is waiting for Rick to go in and integrate him."