Love Never Existed - Hyunsung

[45]

She couldn't have gone without bidding her goodbyes. She couldn't have married without me being at that wedding. She couldn't have had a baby without me being present. Without me seeing her pregnant, without me pampering her in those days.

But about all of that, she couldn't have died without me knowing.

My dumb and silly cousin...if you died...how could you? How could you die without telling me? How could you die without fighting? How could you die even before telling me that you made the one I love fall deeply with you?

Hwang Jinsu...how the fuck dare you to die?

I will never forgive you. I will never forgive you for leaving me.

~~~

Su-jin cried himself to sleep.

My uncle tried to take Su-jin in his arms, but I didn't let him. I gripped my hands on him.

Knowing that this baby was Jinsu's baby felt beyond awkward, and knowing that this was also Jisung's son felt hurtful and unfair.

However, this was the only thing left by her and that hurt more than knowing the last thing.

I hugged Su-jin so tight and gave him kisses all over his face. I whispered 'sorry's' and 'love you's' in his ears. He is not responsible for anything, yet in an instant, I rejected him, and that...that is something I will never forgive myself for doing.

For a small fraction of time, I was putting my crush on top before putting Jinsu first.

I got so pissed and jealous, but what's the point of feeling those awful emotions if she is no longer here? If she gave her all and still lost everything?

Also, the way Jisung wept for his wife is still stuck in my heart.

I know how much Jinsu loved him, and now I know how much Jisung loved and still loves Jinsu.

Clearer than the water. Those two loved each other to death, and the tangible proof is in my arms.

Su-jin is the proof of the true love between Jisung and Jinsu, and I must protect him because if he was entrusted to me and kept away from Jisung, then, there must be a good reason for that.

And I need to figure that out...

I need to know why Jisung thinks he had a baby girl... I need to know why Jisung thinks that his daughter died along with his wife...

What happened?

When he was here in my home...he could see Jinsu in Su-jin's face...but...how come it never crossed his mind that Su-jin could be his?

Even the name 'Su-jin'...

God–this is a nightmare.

"Jinsu fell in love with a wonderful guy. He was a nice person with a big heart and an honest self. This person was Jinsu's first and... last love..."

After seeing me quiet, hugging Su-jin, my uncle began to speak softly.

I said nothing but kept listening while rubbing Su-jin's back. I was still sniffling and processing the information.

"As you know, your auntie and I have spent most of our time out of the country due to the family business... We never had problems with Jinsu about it. She was a smart kid ever since she was a baby. She understood why mama and papa needed to go out and we were grateful for that..."

He continued after checking that I was listening even though I was not looking in his direction. "As Jinsu was growing, the inevitable needed to happen... She was a lovely and gorgeous girl...of course, someone would fall in love with her...and she would be falling for someone..."