Depressed Boy's Love

Old Wounds

"You're not a freak... You're amazing! Fun! And unique!"

My eyes widened at the term used to describe me. Unique... That was new... Sure, maybe someone called me unique before, but I couldn't recall... It sounded so real coming from Sam.

"And I promise to never leave your side no matter what... I'll always be there for you. To help you fight everything you're facing. We'll fight together..."

For some reason, I felt like this was a promise that was going to be kept.

I leaned into his chest and cried my heart out.

The promise will be broken, like all other promises they've made. He promised to love you forever, didn't he? You're just a worthless mistake brought upon the world to misshapen it. Even Chelsea wants you dead, you little creep.

I hated that voice. The voice made it harder for me to move on... Move on from being a freak... Move on from depression...

I hugged Sam tighter and he hugged me back too.

"I'm scared to love again Sam..." I wailed harder.

"I'm scared to give my heart out again to someone, only for them to burn it to ashes"

"I'm scared I won't be good enough. I'm scared that no matter how hard I try, it won't work! It never works!"

I cried harder into his chest.

"I want to be accepted! I just want to be loved and not feel like I'm forced... But, I'm scared it won't work... And everything crashes down before my eyes... I'm scared of what people will say... I'm scared of what they'll do"

Sam gently grabbed my chin with his thumb and index finger, and lifted it up.

"I understand why you're scared, but you're never going to get over your fear if you keep hiding away from it forever"

I stared at him with disbelief.

"Maybe you should try again. I'm sure there's a little voice in your heart that wants you to be yourself again... To try again... I'm sure that over the loud blaring voices in your head, is a tiny voice, barely a whisper, that is urging you to come out and find yourself"

"People will be happy when they see that they have gotten to you... You have to stay strong"

"I've been strong..."

"You can't do it alone" he cut me off.

"No one has been there with you through your trauma... No one has been helping you heal... The reason why you're not strong enough is because an injured person can't hold himself up long enough to stand, he needs support to help him, then he can move on on his own"

I was shocked. I've never thought of things like that before.

"I'm sure it will take some time to heal, and I'm sorry for not understanding sooner, but you need to stop hiding. You're not weird. You're unique. You're special. Different. Odd. Not everyone likes a surprise, but the people that do enjoy it the most."

He held my face in his warm palms and wiped my tears with his thumb.

"I will never forgive Josh for what he did to you. And I understand if you just want to be friends from now on... I know you don't live me and I'm sorry for forcing myself on you and misreading signs"

I shook my head "You didn't misread any signs, silly urchin! I love you!"

His eyes looked like they were about to pop right out of their sockets.

"W-What?"

"I love you so much, it hurts... And the fear of us never working out was what kept making me push you away... And also the fact that I wanted to please people so bad... I wanted to please Richie by staying away from you... But I couldn't stay away. You made me feel like a normal person in my abnormal state."