Rêveries

Chapter 64.

After a few days home, Charles and I came back from a run, laughing about him almost tripping over nothing on his way to the door. The laughter quickly faded when we walked into the kitchen and saw Pascale sitting at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee in her hands, across from a dark haired woman. Both women turned their heads as we walked in, and Sophia, Jules' girlfriend was the woman sitting there.

She had gotten older, of course. She dressed differently, she looked different, held herself up differently. She was looking right at me and I was staring right back, not sure exactly how to react. She was always nice to me, she felt like an older sister at some times. They only dated for two years before the crash, but to me at that age, it felt a lot longer. But then she also moved on from my brother while he was still here, finding a new guy that, as far as I'm aware, she's still with. My brother wasn't even gone, and if he would've woken up, he would wake up to find that she didn't wait for him, and I can't forgive her for that.

"Bonjour Céline," she greeted me with a smile, which caused me to stop staring and blink a few times, looking over at Pascale instead.

"Sophia est venue te voir," Sophia came to see you, Pascale said slowly, cautiously looking up at me, then she stood up from the stool she was sitting on, looking at her son, "Laisse les parler," let them talk.

But Charles moved further into the kitchen, showing no sign of leaving the room. Pascale looked tiredly after her son and then at me as if I was going to say something to him, but I didn't want to be alone with Sophia, so I stayed silent and slowly, carefully, went to sit across from Sophia where Pascale had been sitting.

"C'est bon, je suppose que ça a à voir avec lui aussi," It's okay, I guess it has to do with him too, Sophia said to Pascale, who nodded and left the room while Charles took a seat next to me, looking at Sophia without saying anything and we could see her get uncomfortable. "Tu as tellement grandi," you have grown so much, she says with a heavy breath out as she smiles. She's Italian and when I was younger she mostly spoke Italian, but now she's pretty much fluent in French.

"C'est ce qui se passe avec le temps," That's what happens over time, I mumble with a shrug. She looks down at her hands and she swallows as she looks a bit uncomfortable again.

"Tu lui ressemble tellement," You look so much like him, she says, still looking down at her hands. I held back the snarky comment about genes also working that way. "Je ne peux pas te demander de faveurs..." I'm in no place to ask you for favors... she starts and it lets me know just how bad this is going to get.

I look up at her to meet her gaze. It's cautious and her eyebrows are tilted back, making her look a bit sad. I don't say anything, I just wait for her to continue.

"Je ne m'attends pas à ce que tu comprennes pourquoi je suis parti... mais j'aimais vraiment ton frère," I don't expect you to understand why I left... but I really loved your brother, she says and I feel my throat closing up and I need to take two deep breaths. "Je l'aimais tellement... et je me sentais si seul après l'accident," I loved him so much... and I felt so alone after the accident.

"Je comprends," I get it, I say shortly.

I can't listen to it. I can't sit here and listen to her talk about how much she loved my brother when she showed how easy it was for her to move on. That was my brother. The person I looked up to the most and the person I would give my life to get back, and she showed me how easy it was to leave. If you're able to leave a person like he was, then I don't think you deserve to come back, because clearly you didn't see how much he's worth the first time.

She sighs and takes a sip from the cup in front of her. Charles puts a hand on my thigh and he squeezes. I turn my head to look at the way he's reacting and I see how he holds his head up with his hand, his elbow leaning on the counter, with a completely monotone facial expression.