I See Fire

37 | Brace yourselves

•Faisal

Divorce. Amna. I can't do that.

Marriage to the perfect woman made my last four years the worst. I can't explain how it happened but I realized I loved someone else the moment she became my wife.

There was no deception involved. I didn't lie to my wife but from the night she was brought to my house I began to distance myself from her.

Then it began to feel like cheating and I left the house for her after I realized she was pregnant. I know I haven't done right by her, I haven't done anything for her except provide shelter and all the necessities for her and baby Suleiman.

That's if he's still a baby. Amna sent me a picture that I've had as my wallpaper from the day she gave birth. Her parents sent for me but I only came to spend a day with the child and run back to my haven.

I woke up late today and called in sick at the agency where I work. Financially, my plans haven't been right for the family—renting a house in Kano—buying a house in Abuja—feeding three people plus my family (father, sister and cousin). It was burning my whole pocket off.

"What will you eat today?" Sadiya sat on the bed, watching me read from a newspaper I'd bought yesterday but didn't read.

"Anything you feel like eating."

She took the newspaper out of my hand and folded it on her laps "For the last three days we've been eating what I want. Don't you want something?"

"I only want you Sadee."

She pressed her palm to her face, "It's sweet but that's not what I mean."

"I get your motherly instinct has kicked in..." he noticed how fast she shifted back in anger when he said that and tried to pull her closer "... but please let me be. I'm really exhausted. Yesterday we had to send in more trucks to get our goods, I had a ton of paper to sign..."

She began to make a shhh sound as she placed a hand on his shoulder and left the other in his chest slowly going up and down "Just rest ok,"

"I'm sorry,"

"For what?"

"I know I still make references to your age but I don't mean to."

"I understand if you want a break."

"Come on, it's been three years what will a break do for us?"

"It'll help us to stop being childish and focus on how we can stay together forever."

"You already take breaks regularly—you go back to Abuja every Monday's and only spend the weekend's with me."

"Not that kind of break Faisal," she held his face, looking sadly at him "We need a long one."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"No," she smiled, leaving my face to hold my hands and kiss the back of each "I just need time away from all this."

"How about this?" I begin to read Amna's message for her to hear. She only shrugs but doesn't show concern.

"Don't worry about her. I'll take care of her side."

"How?"

"You'll see." She winked and threw his newspaper on the bed to go and cook them some tuwo and miyan kubewa.

"That isn't an answer." He whispers to himself as he grabbed his newspaper to continue reading "Amna is going to cause problems for us."

I stand up and follows her to the kitchen to see what she's making after reading and not understanding for the past half hour.