Rêveries

Chapter 58

But Max takes the victory, making Charles finish P2, which is still a podium. It's still eighteen points. Though I know he was hoping for it to be his first win. My mom grabs my hand and she squeezes it before she starts to clap, still happy about his podium. We watch the podium together and everything that happened on track between Charles and Max is, like always, completely forgotten as they spray each other with that champagne.

"Voulez-vous m'aider dans la cuisine?" Do you want to help me in the kitchen? Mom asks when they get off the podium. I nod and follow her out into the kitchen as dad stays in the living room to watch the post-race interviews.

She asks me to prepare some vegetables for the salad we're making so I wash them and start cutting them, trying to listen in on the noise from the TV in the living room. Mom is preparing the chicken next to me when she looks up at me for a moment too long, making me look up at her.

"Tu vas me dire comment c'est arrivé?" Are you going to tell me how it happened? She asks, eyeing me with a smirk on her face.

"Non," I shake my head, I can't gossip about that with my mom, it feels weird that she knows about Charles and I at all.

"Oh, allez, ma vie, je suis ta mère!" Come on, I'm your mother! She exclaims, pouting at me as she knows I'll feel bad. I sigh and shake my head. "Je pensais que tu voyais cet autre gars, et je pensais qu'il était toujours avec Lucie, puis Pascale m'appelle et-" I thought you were seeing this other guy, and I thought he was still with Lucie, and then Pascale calls me and- she stops herself and just focuses on the chicken.

"Et quoi?" And what? I ask, putting the knife down for a second.

"Pascale et moi n'aurions jamais pensé que cela arriverait, nous avons seulement plaisanté sur votre mariage avec-" Pascale and I never thought this would happen, we only joked about your marriage to-

"Maman, ne parle pas de mariage quand il est là, s'il te plaît," Mom, don't talk about marriage when he's here, please, I cut her off. I've been his girlfriend for a week, we don't need my mother talking about marriage already. It feels like a stupid thing to add to the things pressuring us right now. We're way too young and it's way, way too early. I don't care if it's something they've been saying for all of our lives.

Mom laughs a little, turning back to the chicken, "Tu sais si Jules était là il aurait déjà choisi ta robe de mariée," You know if Jules was here he would have already chosen your wedding dress.

"Ne mêle pas Jules à ça," Don't bring Jules into this, I shake my head, continuing to cut the tomato in front of me. Mom turns back to the chicken in silence, and just as I think she's given up and is letting it go, she sighs loudly and turns to me. I don't even have to turn my head to know she's looking at me with disappointment.

"Tu ne peux pas le cacher et l'oublier," You can't just hide him away and forget him, she sighs.

"Je ne suis pas," I'm not, I say immediately, "Je ne veux pas que la relation entre Charles et moi tourne autour de Jules," I don't want the relationship between Charles and me to revolve around Jules, I turn to her and I watch as she purses her lips before grabbing a towel from the stove and using it to aggressively dry her hands with it.

"Il vous aimait tous les deux plus que tout, en parler de temps en temps ne vous fera pas de mal," He loved you both more than anything, bringing it up once in a while won't hurt you, she mutters, now refusing to look at me. My chest is heavier and I feel this pit in my stomach growing. She turns back to the food without another word.

I watch her for a moment, but without looking at me she motions at me to continue with the vegetables, so I slowly turn back to them. I don't want her to think that I don't care about Jules, because he was on my mind all throughout the start of Charles and I. He is always there in the back of my mind. But I can't let him be a part of this, because all it does is make my mind spiral.