45 - Pity Party

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I've always heard people say, 'life doesn't go as planned,' but I always waved them off

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I've always heard people say, 'life doesn't go as planned,' but I always waved them off. Sure, surprises happen, but until now, I've never truly understood what they were trying to say.

"Can we not... go back?" Delta whines.

"No," I say, and despite my efforts not to slam my door shut, I grip the handle way too strong, and the sound that echoes throw the house when my door hits the frame can't possibly be described as quiet.

My head is spinning, and my heartbeat feels off sync, too fast and too loud, like a high school marching band on steroids or LSD or... both. I stare down at the handle, my knuckles white as chalk, and as I loosen my hold, my hands start violently shaking again, making me look like someone who's going full-on cold turkey.

I want to start pacing my room, I even take the first steps, but my head feels fuzzy from all the white noise in my ears, my emotions raging in my chest, and my vision blurs.

Great, just great.

I wipe the tears away that start rolling down my cheeks, "I'm not sad," I curse myself. Now is not the time to cry. I'm angry, maybe hurt but not sad. But the tears keep coming, one by one, streaming down my heated face until I relinquish my foolish attempt to keep them in check. I fall face down onto my bed and release a silent scream into my pillow.

"I am so mad at you." I flinch but refuse to look up. I didn't even notice someone getting in. In the split-second before I recognized her voice, my heart was roaring, and now that I know it is only Sonja, the ache is worse than before. "Hey, I'm talking to you," Sonja says, hopping on my bed and pinching my rips.

Trying to ignore her but still keeping her from bugging me proves difficult, but I keep my head down and growl at her.

"You do know," she says while relentlessly poking me, "I can do this all night."

"Fine, what do you want?" I scramble the pieces of myself together as well as possible and glare at her.

She shrugs, unfaced by my little outburst, and states, "I want you to acknowledge what I said."

"And that was...?"

She smacks me on the back of my head, "That I am mad at you."

"Ouch," I complain, rubbing the spot she hit and warily eying her, trying to look out for another blow.

"Serves you right, you and your damn collusiveness."

"Collusiveness? Who are you to throw around such big words?" A grin slips onto my face; unfortunately, I'm not quick enough to hide it from Sonja.

"You think that is funny?" She huffs, exasperated, while taking hold of a pillow nearby – Ann's pillow, before smashing it into my face. "You have a secret relationship with Ann, and you don't think that's worth mentioning?"

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