Cursive Conundrums

lviii

"Spent the night out again?" Remus laughed as James ran into Transfiguration a minute before the bell.

"Yeah," James breathed, running his hands through his hair, "thought I'd give you two the dorm to yourselves for the night."

"How thoughtful," Sirius stuck out his tongue.

James stuck his tongue out back, sliding into his seat.

"Have fun?" Sirius asked as James pulled out his books.

James let out a puff of air. "I wouldn't say that."

"Are you two fighting?" Remus frowned.

James shook his head, "it's just been a lot. We're taking a minute to cool down right now."

Sirius's eyes raised, "what?"

"I don't like fighting without gathering my thoughts," James said, "it's overwhelming, I say things that I don't mean, and he doesn't like yelling. This way we can have a calm, civilized conversation."

"So you both took a step back?" Remus said, "that's very mature."

James nodded, "yeah, it is."

"He seems good for you James," Sirius said, "even now you seem happy."

"I am happy," James agreed.

Come lunchtime, James found that he wasn't mad, just nervous.

"Come on Love," Regulus said, "it's nice outside, there's a clearing just beyond the trees."

"We can have a picnic?" James asked.

Regulus nodded, "I'll go to the kitchens and meet you outside in just a minute, is that okay?"

James shook his head, "I want to stay with you, I'll wear my cloak."

"Okay," Regulus wrapped his arms around James's shoulders, pulling him into a hug. "Are you feeling alright?"

James nodded against his chest.

Regulus kissed the top of his head, "come on then, let's go get something to eat."

They sat outside, eating sandwiches in a peaceful calm.

"I'm not mad," James said suddenly. "I never wanted to keep us a secret in the first place. I think it would be hypocritical if I was upset that you finally feel comfortable to share our relationship—and I'm proud that you're in a place where you can do that, and that you have friends that support you. But I don't think I'm there yet, I trust Sirius and Remus—you know I do. But I trusted Peter...and if something happened and it was my fault, I'd never forgive myself."

"James," Regulus said, "you can't let Peter take trust away from you. You're allowed to rely on people, and you're allowed to expect loyalty from them. What happened with Peter was not your fault."

"But—" James squeezed his eyes shut.

"No." Regulus shook his head. "Listen to me. It was not your fault."

"Then why does it feel like it is?" James's voice cracked.

"You are not responsible for his decisions," Regulus said. "You could have been the best mate in the world and he still could've done it. It is not a reflection of you as a friend, or you as a person."

"We grew up together Regulus," James said, "I didn't even see it coming. I've been horrible to him recently."

"I don't care if you killed his childhood pet purposely," Regulus said. "Nothing that you could have done would've steered him to the Dark Lord if he hadn't already begun the journey."