Cursive Conundrums

xlix

The first night with an empty bunk in their dorm was weird.

Remus and Sirius wanted to know how James found out.

James hadn't thought it through and scrambled for an explanation, telling them a half-formed story about his parents finding out.

They knew he was holding something back, but they didn't press.

James went to bed alone.

He woke up before dawn and quietly slipped out of bed, pulling on his trainers.

The sun was barely rising when he got down to the quidditch pitch, walking through a couple inches of snow that would be melted by noon.

The cold licked at his skin as he began running laps.

He turned off his mind and ran, focusing on the feeling of his feet rhythmically hitting the ground.

The sky was slowly painted in color but James kept running.

He needed his thoughts to be silent. He couldn't think about anything that was happening, if he did, he wouldn't be able to hold it together.

He didn't realize someone was calling his name until he literally ran into them.

Remus yelped and they both toppled over.

"Sorry, didn't see you," James groaned, rolling off of Remus.

They laid out on the grass, staring up at the sun

"You okay?" Remus asked.

James shook his head, "I don't think so."

"Me either." Remus sighed, "do you think he'll tell...about me?"

James's blood ran cold, he hadn't even thought of that. "Fuck, Remus, I don't know."

Remus nodded, taking a deep breath, "I suppose it has to come out sooner or later."

"He should know better than to expose you," James said, "I'll kill him."

"Come on," Remus sat up, forcing a smile, "I don't want to miss breakfast."

James let Remus pull him up and they walked back to the castle.

"Where's Sirius?" James asked.

"Still sleeping," Remus said, "we'll stop at the dorm so you can change into your uniform and I'll wake him."

Every eye in the hall was on the three boys as they walked into the hall.

Peter was sitting alone at the end of the table, refusing to look up from his plate.

James, Sirius and Remus sat in their usual spot across from Lily, Marlene and Mary.

"You lot look like hell," Mary frowned, "why's Pete sitting all the way down there?"

Lily put her hand on Mary's arm and shook her head.

"Why don't you boys eat," Lily said, starting to shovel food onto their plates.

"Thanks, Lil," Remus smiled fondly, "but I think we've got it."

"Sorry," she blushed, clasping her hands in her lap, "we can leave you alone, we were just finishing up anyways...come on girls."

"What?" Marlene asked, trying to fit a final bite of eggs into her mouth as Lily pulled her away. "No I'm not done!"

"I'll explain in a minute," Lily said under her breath, "let's go."

"This is weird," Remus said, nudging Sirius, "you okay?"

Sirius didn't respond.

"Sirius?" Remus nudged him again, "are you listening?"

"Regulus." Sirius said suddenly turning to stare at James.

James's face turned white, "what?"

"He's not here." Sirius frowned, turning away, his eyes trained on the Slytherin table, "he didn't come back."

"Are you sure?" James said, guilt eating him alive.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded, chewing on his lip. "Something must've happened. My family is all about looks..,people will talk that Regulus didn't return. Whatever they did to him will be worse than rumors."

"I'm sure he's okay Mate," James said.

"I'm afraid they don't know when to stop—Bellatrix and my mother." Sirius shook his head, "this was probably the time they took it too far. I should've been there. He knew something was going to happen, he spoke to me the day you left, told me he loved me and that he was sorry. He told me he wanted to leave, that he was trying to. I should've been there."

"It's not your fault." Remus reminded him, "if Regulus grew a pair and left with you, none of this would've happened. If anyone, it's his fault."

"Oi." James frowned. "That doesn't seem fair."

"Prongs?" Remus frowned.

"What?" James defended, "it's not fair. I can't imagine how scary leaving home would be. Besides, it's not like he knew me, I could've turned him away at the door and that would've been that."

"You wouldn't have done that." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"No, I wouldn't have." James agreed, "but did you brother know that?"

"Why're you defending him?" Remus asked.

"He's just a kid." James said, "he was fourteen when you left, Sirius."

"But he's sixteen now." Sirius argued, "that's how old I was when I left, hell, he's just turned seventeen."

"Whatever, I don't know what I'm fucking talking about. Ignore me." James said bitterly, taking a bite out of his toast.

"James—" Remus was staring at him in shock.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Sirius spat, "whose side are you on?"

"Nobodies!" James said, "this isn't an argument, there is no argument."

"Well you had me fooled." Sirius said, "I just pointed out the fact that my baby brother could be fucking dead and you're starting a fight."

"Sorry," James drawled halfheartedly, standing from the table, "I'll meet you guys in class."

Remus called after him but James practically ran out of the hall.

Sirius, however, was not the only one who had noticed Regulus's absence.

As soon as he turned the corner, James's back slammed into the stone wall.

His head spinning as he felt a wand jab at his jugular.

"Where is he?" Pandora demanded.

"Can you maybe lower that? Please?" James squeaked.

"Where. Is. He." Pandora jabbed her wand harder into his throat.

"He's at home." James said quickly, "my home...with my parents."

Her force lessened on her wand but she still held it firm against his skin.

"What happened?"

"He ran," James said, pushing her wand down with his hand, "he showed up to my house only a few hours after we got off the train covered in blood. He was cursed—the dark magic caused a cardiogenic shock, he's recovering."

Pandora stumbled and crumpled on the ground.

James knelt in front of her, "he's okay, I promise."

"He made it out?" Pandora's voice was weak and she looked at James almost pleadingly.

James nodded, "he got out."

She looked away, tilted her head back and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Good."

James nodded before remembering she wasn't looking at him.

"He's had a rough couple weeks," James admitted, "but I reckon he'll be alright. He's strong, my Reg."

Pandora nodded, "thank you, James."

James sat down beside her and picked up her hand, squeezing it.

"It'll be okay."