Rêveries

Chapter 41.

This man doesn't get enough...

"Ugh, j'aimerais pouvoir oublier ça..." I wish I could forget that, I shake my head after separating our lips. I'm still held close to him and his face is right there in front of mine as I smirk back.

He scoffs and I create some distance between our faces, sitting back with my legs under me, but Charles immediately follows. His face is right there again as he's leaning forward to kiss me once again. I try to lean back so he eventually won't reach me, but it ends with me having to lay down with my back on the mattress with Charles having followed all the way until I'm laying down just to keep kissing me. I put my hand on his chest and pushed him off while laughing.

"Peux-tu me laisser respirer?" Can you let me breathe? I ask as I laugh and push him off so he plops down next to me. He just sighs and I shake my head as I turn to look at him lying next to me. I turn to my side and keep my head up on my hand with my elbow on the mattress. He looks up at me and his hand goes to move some hair out of my face.

"J'essaie de rattraper le temps perdu," I try to make up for lost time, he says softly as he shakes his head a little.

"Ne dis pas ça, c'est bien," Don't say that, it's fine, I tell him.

"J'aurais aimé m'en être rendu compte plus tôt, je t'aurais épargné, à toi et Lucie, beaucoup de mal," I wish I had realized earlier, I would've saved you and Lucie so much hurt, he says, and I see a hint of regret in his eyes. It was unfair to Lucie and I feel kind of bad for her. I don't want him to think being with her was a waste of time, because she doesn't deserve that. She's so kind and she seemed to love him, or at the very least she cared for him. It makes me feel guilty for might've been the reason he left her. Being with him so soon, as she's still healing after the breakup.

"J'allais bien, Charles, et tu as encore aimé Lucie à un moment donné," I was fine, Charles, and you still loved Lucie at some point, I say while shaking my head.

"Je l'ai fait, mais à la fin je ne l'aimais pas assez," I did, but in the end I didn't love her enough, he shrugs, giving a half smile. I sigh, because it hurts to hear him talk like that about her, because I walked around, jealous of them, when he didn't love her enough.

"Charles," I say, and he hums in response, playing with a strand of my hair, "Être blessé par vous ferait dix fois plus mal que n'importe qui d'autre, si vous changez d'avis, s'il vous plaît soyez doux," Being hurt by you would hurt ten times worse than anyone else, if you change your mind, please be gentle, I say, not being able to look him in the eye as I say it, because admitting it to him feels somewhat embarrassing. I'm basically admitting the power he has over my emotions. It's ridiculous, actually. They way he's able to make me feel so much.

"J'ai essayé de changer d'avis pendant des mois, je ne pense pas que ça va arriver," I tried to change my mind for months, I don't think that's going to happen, he shakes his head, letting go of my hair to put his hand on my cheek and making me look down at him again.

"Tu veux ce que tu n'as pas, mais maintenant que tu l'as, tu pourrais-" You want what you don't have, but now that you have it, you might-

Charles raises himself up a bit, being closer to me as he looks into my eyes, "Ecoutez," Listen, he says before shaking his head with a little chuckle, "Ça n'arrivera pas," It won't happen, he says slowly, dragging every word out.

I look into his eyes for a bit and I let go of a breath I've been holding, letting it go as a sigh as so much warmth fills my body. The happiness just tingles all over and it's almost overwhelming. The smile that seems to be permanently imprinted on my face by now just grows wider and I notice his smile doing the same. I lean forward to kiss him. I kiss him hard and I hear him giggle into it so when we separate we both just laugh a little before he lays down again. I don't know why we're giggling like children all the time. It's ridiculous, really.