When I Can't Do Anything Else

I just don't know...

It's weird, you know? That even though that I've moved on, I'm still thinking about you? Not immensely as before, and not as painstakingly inflicting and hurtful like in the past... but I still find my mind crawl back to you?

Your name suddenly pops out of nowhere, and honestly, I'm annoyed by it. It's frustrating. I. Have. Moved. On. But you still haunt me- why is that? Your face abruptly jumps in my line of sight, mocking me with that cute, toothy grin that you do all the time, and I'm just being honest here. I don't love you anymore, but you still come and find a way to deviate my senses... Why?

Do I still love you? Do I still feel jealous when I see the person I hate come to you-- making you laugh? Do I love you?

I hate it. I hate this feeling. I've already loved you, why do I still keep babbling about you? The pain in my chest is gone, but here you are, staining this entry about you. You're making me confused. I hate it. I'm empty now, you've taken all of my love, and crushed it with ignorance... but here I am, venting out. Weird, isn't it? The feeling of being hollow, but quickly being filled with the person you've loved and despised. Weird.

I'm just wondering. Am I in denial? So far down in the abyss of denial, that I, myself, is really oblivious of the feelings that are right in front of me? I must really be an outstanding actor then-- learning how to trick my heart.

It's just moments when you scoot in my thought, but every one of those counts. You're making a mess of my mind, and I'm not buying any of it. I won't let you destroy my heart again, I won't go through every day just to get my chest ripped off from my body again. I won't. So please... just go away. I'll do anything to let go. To let everything that has a meaning about you-- go.

I'm gonna save my heart. But, I think I need to fix things first... I still need to answer some questions...

Why do I still think about you?

Weird..., //k.u.