Just why?
Why leave so suddenly? Why not a goodbye first before leaving? An explanation would be nice. A promise to stay in touch would be okay as well. Maybe a note explaining why he had to leave or a quick message saying the reason for his sudden departure. So why leave without saying anything?
“You are the worst!” Isabella cried out, struggling against his hold as she tried to control her tears. “Absolutely the worst!”
“I know.” Is that all you could say? “I know, Izzy.”
Don’t call me that.
“Let go of me.” Isabella snapped, glaring at him through the wet blurry vision of hers. Her tears were falling because her anger was too much to handle. She was in pain, she was mad, she was frightened and she was sad. All of it was in her chest and she couldn’t let it out.
“I’m sorry.” He tells her.
“Don’t.” Isabella’s voice quivered. “Don’t say it now after all these years.”
“Please, Izzy.” He pleaded desperately; his own eyes were filling up with tears as he held her tight against him. She struggled desperately to claw or punch him but he held her close enough to prevent her from hurting him. “Please.”
Don’t call me Izzy.
“Let me go! Nicolai!” Isabella hissed, trying to free her hands from his tight grasp. She wants to hurt him. She wants to inflict pain onto him the way he did to her when he left. He left a big hole in her heart and couldn’t forgive him even if he tried to beg for it. “You’re hurting me! You’re hurting me, Nicolai! Let go!”
She absolutely can’t forgive him.
“I can’t!” He shouted at her, causing her to stop. She looked at him and grimaced at the look on his face. He looked like he was prepared to do anything just to earn her forgiveness. He looked at her as though she hung the moon and the stars for him. As if she was land and him, a lone survivor from the sea, taking refuge from her.
“I can’t, Izzy. I can’t.” He whispered in a much softer tone. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s too late.”
“I’m sorry.” He whispered desperately. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t throw me away like this. I loved you and I still do. I want to make it up for you. I won’t do it again so please. Please, I’m begging you. Please. I know what I did was wrong—”
“I looked for you.” Isabella whispered as she remembers the time where she would ask Dmitri to drive her to places where she could ask where Nicolai went, if he was even okay. Her mind was filled with thoughts of his dead body or him being hurt because of her. Sometimes, she would even think that the reason why he left was because he was also tired of her.
Just like my family.
“I looked for you everywhere.” Her search slowly stopped when her mind accepted the thought of Nicolai being so tired of her that he had to leave. So tired that he didn’t even want to see her face. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t true. That Nicolai wasn’t that kind of person. But she was a kid back then. She would easily believe it. “I looked but you were never there.”
Isabella’s hands were shaking as she thought about the pain she went through.
“You left.” Isabella whispered. “And you never looked back.” Isabella said harshly, making him flinch. She immediately snatched her hand away. “You never looked back.” She repeated.
“I couldn’t!” He reasoned. “I couldn’t because I didn’t have a choice. I did what I had to do. For you! I left for you. All I did was for you. If you could just listen to me! Listen to me, Izzy, please! Don’t throw me away like this…” Nicolai said desperately. “I left for you. I didn’t have a choice, Izzy—”
“Don’t call me that!” Isabella exclaimed in anger. “Never call me that! I’m not the Izzy that you know anymore and you’re not the person I once knew!” Isabella said, her tears falling down and burning her eyes. “You never left for me. You left for you. You were scared.”
His stance grew more defensive and tense. “Don’t say that, Izzy.” He said harshly. “I left for you.”
“You left for abuela.” Isabella hissed, her finger pointing at him accusingly. “ALL of you did because all of you were afraid. You think I didn’t know?” Isabella laughed and it grated her own ears because it sounded wrong. The pained look on Nicolai’s face looked so wrong. And she wanted to stop herself. She wanted to leave this conservation but the fragility that mixes well with the raw agony and grief becomes a fuel to her wrath that burns her insides. “I don’t know why you’re following my grandmother’s orders like a dog but this is the exact reason why I can’t trust you. THIS is the exact reason why I can’t forgive you. It’s because you’re still following her orders around. You’re nothing but a coward and a lapdog for her!”
The raw devastation in his eyes was evident and he was shaking as he listened to every word without saying anything. She was putting out the hope inside of him before it engulfed her whole like a flame.
Deep inside her, there was this ugly satisfaction of seeing him in this state. Deep inside, she wanted him to feel what she felt when she lost everyone. She wanted him to lose hope and to drown in that woeful ocean of despair.
Like she did.
Just drown.
“I absolutely hate you.” Isabella muttered finally, unable to look at that pitiful face of his.
She was burning every memory of his, every happiness they once had, every little moments they once shared, every word that he used to make her melt like an idiot, making her think she was special. She was burning it all until all that it's left is just a phantom of what he used to be.
“I absolutely despise you.” She whispered.
There was silence.
Before, she loved the silence. The way she could hear her thoughts when everything was quiet, the way it somehow gave her peace. But this silence was ugly and wrong. This silence speaks volumes and she hated it. It felt absolutely disgusting.
She was disgusting.
“If you had forgiven me then I would have looked the other way and forgotten everything that ever happened. But you didn’t.”
Isabella looked at him in confusion. She didn’t know what he meant and wanted to ask him but he gave her a soft smile and a kiss on the forehead.
“I’m sorry, Isabella.”
_______
;____;
The song is sad, this chapter is sad and now me is sad
Uhm... well, this is heavy (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
Who do you think is at fault? Is Isabella overreacting? Did she finally overstep?
AUFH I FEEL BAD FOR NICOOOO BUT I HAD TO HURT HIM SO DONT HURT ME
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed itttt! Sorry for the mistakes.
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Little Game
Teen Fiction[[COMPLETED]] "Life's a little game that people play." ____ Isabella Sofia Torres was someone who was born in a world where she did not belong. She was the light, they were the darkness yada yada yada. How could there be light without darkness? If s...
Chapter 56
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