Winters Bite; Bucky Barnes x reader

Pt 9. He is Broken

Natasha looks at the still form sitting at the edge of the water, knees firmly pulled up to his chest, Buckys fingers tightly woven into his hair, resting his head on his knees. "Steve...." Her voice trails off, steve follows her gaze, breathing "Bucky..." Steve walks over slowly his heart stings tugging in saddness watching his life long friend sit in sorrow. Steve sits on the warm soil beside him "Bucky''
Bucky doesnt move to repond, just digs his finger tighter into his head willing it all to be over. STeve gently pries buckys hands from his hair, "Buck its steve look up here. Come on look a me. " The calm, gentle monotone of Steves voice breaks something inside of bucky, and he looks up at steve through bloodshot eyes. The dark circles under his eyes promantly standing out, from months of no sleep and crying constantly.
"oh Bucky what have you done to your self."

He pulls bucky closer wrapping his arms around Buckys shoulders holding his tightly. After a while bucky drifts off into sleep against steve, and steve lifts him in his arms walking back towards the house, laying Bucky in the king sized bed. Maria looks up from the flimsy book in her hands, " This is just sad, the only thing in this place is this wornout copy of Alice in Wonderland.And about 30 bottle of achol."
"Maria this is his home be nice." NAtasha scolds pulling the blanket back, covering bucky up. Steve picks up the worn book looking at it.

" You two can go stay at the palace and find the twins make sure they haven't got in an trouble, Im going to stay here with him and see if i cant straighten him out alittle. "
"Are your sure thats a safe choice steve?" Maria says looking at bucky alseep in the bed.
"Bucky would never hurt me willingly Maria."
" Okay we'll be the palace if you need us"

*The next day*

Bucky sucks in a breath, feeling the weight of Steves arm drapped around his shoulders, and his head on Steves chest. He sits up quickly running his fingers through his hair, "Steve?'' He shakes Steves arm "Steve wake up."
Steve wakes up pushing himself up on the bed, "What?"
"What are your doing here? In Wakanda in my bed"
"You were susposed to be released yesterday."
"But why are you here?"
"Because your my friend and you need me, look at your self Buck, look around, theres about 30 empty
bottles some clothes and that worn out tattered book. This isnt living Buck this is just surviving."
Bucky gets up walking into the kitchen grabbing a cup, making a cup of coffee drinking it in a hot gulp. "My house i do whatever i want." Steve grabs his shoulders pushing Bucky into the bathroom flipping on the light. Making Bucky wince at the harsh lights, "Look at yourself in that mirror Bucky, Your an absolute wreck. Its aweful everyone is worrided sick and so am I.  Now Your going to clean your act up and come back to New York wth me. Wher i can keep on eye on you, till you get whatever this is straightened out. "

Bucky stiffens tired of being told what to do and how to act, "Stop it. Just stop it, ive done heard it before I dont want to hear it again. So just don't." "Bucky...." Bucky brings his hand to his head, trying to thwart the pain of another memory surfacing. This one of him hitting you in a training match, the heartache returing stronger than before. He grabs the bottle taking a drink, "Fuck off Steve please just leave me alone."
Steve grabs the bottle pinning Bucky to the wall, "LISTEN i understand your dont understand any of this. Your confused and hurt missing something within yourself. But that doesn't mean you can just do this to yourself. Now your going to take take a shower and clean yourself up."
'' Steve I-I can't"

Steve looks into his eyes, "Ill help you. Youve nursed me when i was sick. Ill help you alright."
Bucky nods listening to Steves calm voice and helping mannisms, "Alright."
Steve lets go of Buckys wrists turing the shower on, "Take a shower ill make you some food, and in a few days We'll go back to NewYork -" He stops seeing Buckys gaze falter at all the stuff. "Shower food then we'll read your book alright."
"Yeah." Steve closes the bathroom door, walking to the kitchen looking in the fridge and cabinets for any kind of food, pulling out his phone calling NAtasha, "Hey umm nat, i need you go to a store and bring some food down here please."
" Sure what do you need, spices, coffee, milk though i think its mostly goat milk, im here now."
"Everything, I mean there is literally no food here besides, nope even the coffee can is empty. Just food whtever kind you can find please."
"Yeah i got it Steve."
Bucky strips getting in the shower, standing under the flow of Water squirting some shampoo into his hand washing it through his long hair, and shaving his face. Turing off the Water and wrapping a towel around his waist walking into the other room grabbing a pair of pants and nothing else to wear. Sitting on the sofa sitting in his perfected curled up form, holding in all the peices threating to spill out.
"Why do you sit like that."
Steve walks over sitting beside him.
"Keeps me together, what little of me is left."
"You'll figure it out eventually."
A few mintues later Natasha walks in with a bag, "Im here with the food.Well you look much better than Yesterday. I'll give you a haircut if you want one, because that is a mess. Like before?"
"Sure why not."
 

  4 days later They start helpig Bucky pack his clothes, Maria grabs the old worn out book from the floor beside Bucky's bed in the floor, "Is this trash or what?"
They look at the book, "Guess you'll have to ask Bucky?" Natasha kneels on the floor looking under the bed finding a backpack, laying it on the bed with the suit case Bucky packed before walking out to the lake. "And this thing whatever it is."
Bucky walks back in seeing hthe book and backpack in Natashas hands, "What are you doing with those?" he demands immediantly becomming defensive over the items.
"Are they trash or what you didn't pack them."
Buckys watches the way she moves with the book in her hand, carelessly moving her hand, "No give it back."
Natasha notices his eyes following the book around, and carefully hands it to him and the backpack. "Just checking you wanted to bring them."
He takes the book putting it in his backpack or safe keeping, " We're done here for today goodbye."  He walks to the closet slamming the door, sitting in the floor looking at the bare shelves, except for a couple pants shirts and gloves. Letting his eyes fall to the book.
"tell me a story."
'' Realy a story... Alice and Wonderland hows that?"
The memory fades almost as soon as it surfaces, making bucky grit his teeth in anger that he cant hold on to any of the memories for more than a second at a time, and pulls a notepad from the back pack writing it down under the section of question marks:
(The page)
Alice and Wonderland???
Who wanted to hear Alice and wonderland???
Whats the song i keep hearing, what are the words???
Songs and Stories???
Why do i care ???
Why is Alice still in the rabbit hole???
Bucky grabs a diferent notebook, writing in it:
Leaving Wakanda in two days Steves realy starting to get on my nerves. The twins came by today i barley had time to get my gloves on before they could see my hand and arm, which got a me a lot of weird stares from Maria. I hate people all people, but Okoye, she gets it better than anyone. Shuris nice and all so is Tchalla and queen Ramond thier great, but Okoye makes me feel less guilty.