Rêveries

Chapter 20.

"I don't feel like a happy color."

"I frankly don't give a shit about what color you feel like, black is not the vibe for today."

"Then what the hell am I going to wear?"

"What was Jules' favorite color, red?"

"Blue."

"Ironic, considering Ferrari is red," She says and raises her eyebrows.

"I used to tell him that too but he liked blue because the ocean is so blue on sunny days," I tell her with a shrug and a faint smile appears on her lips. Then she marches into my closet and I hear her digging around my clothes before she comes out with a light blue strapless dress. It ends on my mid-thigh and you tie it in a bow in the front. I bought it for Svea's birthday party three years ago and I haven't really worn it since. She then hands me a white cardigan. I look at her for a while but then just change into it and decide not to fight her about it. She means well.

She sits me down in front of my mirror and helps me curl my hair. Then I just add a light blue bandana to keep my hair out of my face. She orders me to put at least some mascara and blush on. I tell her it's going to run from my crying but she hands me her waterproof mascara. I just apply it, some blush and some bronzer. Evie must've done her makeup before she left this morning, but she changes into a white dress with small flowers on it and braids the top half of her hair and lets it fall down the back.

We walk downstairs and see the boys have changed again. They're a bit dressed up but they all seem to have agreed to not wear any black today. They've set the table outside and the food is already finished. Arthur stole the bouquet of flowers that was already in a vase on the living room table and put them on the table outside. We all sat down to eat and I tried so hard to not think about anything sad and ruin the nice meal by crying.

Seb called Charles during the lunch and because he didn't know he was on speaker phone, he asked how I was and Charles quickly started stuttering as he told him that I was fine and that I had gotten a bunch of flowers. Seb then asked to speak with me and Charles handed the phone over. He told me that he hopes I'm doing decent and that he wants me to continue to see it as a happy day. He also told me that he had made sure someone put flowers on the grave for him today and I told him it was sweet, thanking him very much, since Jules can't.

We finish the food and I lay down on the grass to let the food melt into my stomach. I'm so full I can't believe it. But they were all quick to get all the dishes inside and pull me into the kitchen so we could all bake the cake together. Well... not completely from scratch. They had bought a cake mix. While they dealt with the making of the cake, I placed myself in front of the sink with my bouquets and started cutting the stems off and organizing the bouquets before putting them into vases.

"Bon dieu," Good god, Pascale says when she comes home and sees us all in the kitchen. She looks at me as if she's shocked and then at the flowers in front of me. "You're up, you're dressed, you're a florist," she says while motioning at me.

"She didn't have a choice," Evie says, moving some hair over my shoulder while she smiles at Pascale. She walks in and looks at the cake that Charles is just taking out of the oven. She smiles and then comes over to hug me before saying she'll be out of our way. She takes the two bouquets I'm done with to my room.

Together we begin to decorate the cake. We put some vanilla cream between the layers and then put whipped cream all over it. We use raspberries to write his name on the cake and it looks really, really horrible, but it's a cake. We laugh at how bad and cheap it looks, but we put candles shaped as the numbers two and nine on the cake and light them. We let them burn until they burn out before we cut it up and eat it. It's not the best cake I've had but it's not that bad either. It's kind of dry.

After cutting the cake, we fill a balloon with helium and we bring it outside, singing happy birthday. We let it go and watch it soar into the sky, further and further away and up into the air. I can't keep myself from crying when I watch the balloon soar away. I feel Charles hand on my shoulder and Evie's head on my other shoulder. Arthur comes up behind me, wrapping his arms above my shoulders and places his chin on top of my head. Pierre, who can't really fit anywhere, pats my arm a little in support.

Eventually I wipe my tears and I go inside to get my things. I want to go see him. I've been hanging around here 'celebrating' his birthday, but I haven't even gone to see him. I ask Charles to drive me and he nods, telling me he's in the car when I'm ready. Arthur asks me if I'm sure about going alone and I nod. I want to be able to talk to him and cry there without feeling like I'm wasting someone's time, or making someone feel like they need to comfort me.

Charles and I stop at a florist and I buy a bouquet with a mix of blue flowers. We brought a blue balloon and filled it with helium and we stopped to buy a candle. Charles dropped me off outside the graveyard and told me to call him when I want to come home.