Chrysalis Days & Butterfly Nights [Wattys 2023 Shortlist]

30

Helen never saw the irony in telling others they were going to be late. She was time-blind for herself, but almost stringent with others, as though she were a supervisor that didn't follow their own rules. Lucinda wasn't entirely certain Helen joked about prostitution, either. She didn't doubt her friend could make a lot of money from it, but it felt a little cold to imagine Helen having sex foe money. Sex was as much a part of her life as Butterfly, but she chose her sexual partners, even when dogging. She was in control. Lucinda worried that prostitution would take away some of that control. That agency. She hoped Helen was joking.

She was right, however. Her numerous views of herself in the mirror had nibbled away at the time and now she had only a few minutes to rush downstairs to Butterfly, the carrier bag holding her reserve slippers tapping her leg as she swished her way down stairs and along corridors that would soon become empty and derelict. Much practice walking in various height heels had given her much confidence in her gait and she moved as fast in her court shoes as she would in Luke's shoes and trainers. Perhaps not quite as fast, but fast enough.

It made little difference. Upon reaching the Quiet Room, Michael gave her only the bare bones of instructions, showing her which bottles were where, and their cost, how the till worked, and then left her alone in a room where the muffled booming of music from the main hall was the only sound and she the only occupant. She took in the brighter area, the seating that had seen better days, threadbare and frayed, the walls that hadn't seen fresh paint in years, and wondered whether Alfredo had had any money at all for a long time.

Still very early in the night, Lucinda didn't see a single customer for the first hour, yet still stood behind the bar, waiting and watching. Krystal popped in twice, breezing up to Lucinda, grabbing a kiss, asking how she was before disappearing again. She did that, unable to stay still for long, unless Helen was on stage, at which point she wouldn't move a muscle, staring in rapt attention at her best friend.

Eventually, customers began to trickle in, sit and talk for a while before moving back into the main hall. The stage bore the attention of everyone, whether comedians took the spotlight, or the singers/mimers, the dancers, Butterfly was all about the stage and the acts. The Quiet Room was a spot to relax between sets, mostly. Lucinda had only sold a few bottles by the time a group of people filed into the Quiet Room, taking residence in one of the booths.

A mixture of men, women and trans folk, they talked together, laughing, shouting, nudging each other. It warmed Lucinda's heart to see such a mix of people getting along, the prejudices and bigotry in the outside world holding no sway in here. That, more than anything, made it such a shame that the city would soon lose Butterfly. There were other ally bars and pubs in the city, but not many, and nothing quite like Butterfly. It was as unique and as bright and as fragile as the creature it was named after.

"Six bottles of Schillsberg, please." She didn't look up at Lucinda, instead, staring down at the coils of notes in her small clutch bag. A bag that seemed familiar to Lucinda. "And get one for yourself."

"Mary?" Lucinda had opened the bottles, lining them up on the bar, and now ducked her head to look at the customer's face.

"Do I ... Oh, my god!" Mary's face broke out into a grin, eyes lighting up. She wore a different wig, make-up of a different style, but it was certainly Mary. "Luke? My god! You took the plunge and ... wow. Just ... wow! You look amazing!"

"It's Lucinda when I'm ... when I'm me." Mary had reached across the bar for Lucinda's hands as Lucinda politely corrected her. "You look great, too. Night out with friends?"

"With my wife, actually." Mary turned her head and waved towards one of the women in the group. She waved back, smiling. "It's strange. Not long after visiting you, I just came to a stop. It didn't feel right heading out dressed to meet people, even if I did have permission. We had a talk, cleared the air and now we're both coming to terms with it all. It's good. Healthy."

Mary's wife continued to watch from the booth, but not in a suspicious fashion. She looked happy. She looked as though she had genuine love for her husband, even while he was dressed. Something like that would be welcomed by Lucinda, but she didn't anticipate it happening. After Elaine, Luke hadn't dated and now, as Lucinda came more and more to prominence, it seemed even less likely.

Still, Mary had done the right thing. They both had. Lucinda remembered that night well enough and could remember the unspoken undercurrent of resentment within Mary and, from what Mary had said, her wife held similar levels of resentment. They had talked! They had worked it out and now they were out together, Mary dressed and her wife radiating love for her from every pore.

"That's so nice to hear. I'm so happy for you." Lucinda gave Mary her change. "It's always better to talk, isn't it?"

"It is. I tell you what, I'll drag those reprobates over here and I'll introduce you. It's not like you're busy." Mary waved toward her companions and they began to file from the booth as Mary put away her change and gave the sorry-looking Quiet Room a long look. "A pity this place is closing, though. I'd have come more often if you were working here. If only someone with money could but it and do it up, eh?"

Lucinda had to agree. Butterfly had helped her in her ongoing transformation. She expected it had helped a lot of people. For certain, it had become an intrinsic part of Helen's life, lifting her up after her tough life before meeting Clarisse and the fallout from the break in their relationship. From what Lucinda had learned, Butterfly and Alfredo had taken Helen in when she needed help and she had remained loyal ever since.

If only Helen had stayed loyal to Clarisse, perhaps she would never have come to Butterfly. Perhaps Helen and Lucinda would never have met, all because Helen and Clarisse had fought instead of talked. Lucinda began to wonder, as Mary introduced her wife and friends, what it would take to get Helen and Clarisse to talk, as Mary and her wife had talked. With all Clarisse's money, Lucinda would lay a bet that she'd prefer Helen back in her life.

And that gave Lucinda an idea.