Power of the Pum Pum (From Guns to God)

Chapter 3

When I got home my uncle was already there for his Toyota Nissan was parked at our gate. My heart throbbed in my chest as if it wanted to jump out. My hands trembled as I walked up the front steps to enter our house. I tried to come up with a story. I couldn't tell him that I was coming from church practice dressed like this. Neither could I say I  went by Gavin. Fuck! Gavin. Now it makes sense, Gavin must have told him that he saw me. That's why he is back so soon. Rage grew inside me for small buddy Gavin.

As I pushed open the front door to argue my faith my uncle stood from a dining chair and glanced at me. I couldn't read him and that made me even more terrified.

"Good evening Uncle Sam" My voice trembled, my hands shook and my knees felt like they were about to buckle.

"Where you coming from dressed like that Staci?" his voice was stern. I felt 12 again. When I was 12 I skipped school to visit the town center with some friends and my uncle found out. He whooped my ass so hard that I could barely sit on my bottom. I wanted to run away ever since.

"Be... Beach Uncle Sam"
"Terry and I went to the beach."
Fuck I needed to text Terry.
Why was this man intimidating me? At the age of 26, he doesn't have the right to ask me this.

"Beach inna night? You know me pass Gavin on my way in town and the poor boy almost cried when he explained to me about you and that same bwoy that me warn you about"
"Is like you just wah breed and siddung inna this place or you wah raise a pickney on your own cause police or badman soon kill that bwoy"

"Staciann!" Uncle Sam roared.

"Yes uncle" I mumbled. I knew that when he called me by my legal name it meant trouble.

"Staciann, be careful. You come of age so me cant rule you but Staciann be careful"
"Trouble nuh set like rain"
"You are a Christian for heaven's sake!"
"Weh you think the people them up a church ago think?"
"Weh you think them ago say?"

"Uncle people can change!"
"Besides he is just my friend" I lied through my holy teeth, Tafari can never be my friend. I wanted this boy more than I wanted anything else this world has to offer.

"Change? You nuh see not even him muma couldn't change him?"
"That bwoy bound fi turn out like him father or worst"
"Me a warn you eno baby girl, be careful." "Trouble nuh set like rain"

"He is human!"
"So you ago tell me that our God nuh recognize him?"
"God can make anyone brand new"
"If you don't believe that then I guess is a different God me serve uncle"

My uncle widen his eyes and instantly I regretted those words but I couldn't take them back and quite frankly, I didn't want to. He gazed at me for what felt like 10 whole minutes before he responded.

"Me done talk!"
"Wah sweet you ago sour you and member me tell you...." He paused then shook his head as though he was disappointed in me. That did something to my soul.
"Is like you grow too much now" he continued.
"You use to listen to me!"
"Staci be careful!"

I timidly walked to my room with my head hung down. I knew my uncle meant well but they didn't know Tafari like I think I knew him. Outside of that badness was a sweet tender man who just needed somebody to love him. I wanted to be that somebody. My heart says he can change and I want to help him make that change. In his presence, I feel so safe. That has to amount to something.

I lay on my bed and imagine that Tafari was right next to me, stroking my hair and fondling my breasts. I wanted to fuck Tafari so badly but I was afraid he would think I was some cheap girl. So I'm trying my best to hold out. I don't know how much longer I can wait though. His cocoa-brown complexion and his masculine aroma make me see him as nothing short of a Nubian God. I wanna do things with and for him that I didn't have any business doing as a Christian girl. My friend Terry always says that sin was too sweet to resist and now I understand why.