Power of the Pum Pum (From Guns to God)

Chapter 31

There are two things that we should never have to chase; true friendship and true love.

When Tafari left I reviewed the message from Bobby.

Bobby: I love you Staciann and one day you gonna realize that I am the man for you. Not that criminal. What I can't understand is why you choose that murderer over me but a your life still.

I decided to respond to him after leaving him on read for so long.

Me: I appreciate you, Bobby, I really do. Thank you for caring for me. You don't love me Bobby, loving me means getting to see me at my worst. It's far beyond a messy hair, it's loving me on the days when I can't get out of bed. It's loving me while I fight with myself. It's loving me when my spirit and my flesh are at war.

I wasn't mad at Bobby for throwing dirt on Tafari's name. I secretly asked myself the very question sometimes. But, I choose to love Tafari not for who he is within this season, but for who he can and will become with the help of God. We all have it, the desire to have someone that is willing to go down in the dark tunnels with us. Someone who will listen to our most painful stories and still love us enough to hold our hands and say "I still believe in you". Life is ongoing; incessant and unpredictable. No matter how much we assume that we know how an event will turn out, we simple aren't so much the master of our fate as we might thought. It is God who is in charge, it is his story to tell.

We have all seen it, how he uses the most overlooked, undeserving of us to prove that he can still redeem a person no matter how far off they might appear with the naked eye. I've often heard stories of how a dangerous men repented and became a pastors, ministering the word of God. How a prostitute cried out to God and he heard her and answered her. It is our destination that makes our journey so meaningful.

Tafari's story might not look like others story but its still HIS story and we cannot use his past to predict his future. At least, thats what I tell myself.

Tafari had promised that he would come back to see me soon. I feared that he was involved with his baby mother. Why else would she call him behaving in that manner?

Terry needs to know about this.

Me: Tafari was here. Home girl called him and a get dark.

I waited for Terry to respond.

Terry: Get dark how??

Me: She a ask if a round here em gone and how she nah raise kids on her own.

Terry: Fucka shape like truck wheel bout she nah raise pickney on her own. A who fa them??

Terry: Gwaan over there! Go see what she up to! Beat out her rass if she step to you.

Me: Lol member me can't fight.

Terry: Wah me come with you??

Me: Lol no. Mi not going over there.

Terry: Easy courage the dog

Me: With friends like these who needs enemies.

Terry: Lol hush man. On a serious note, stop pree negative. Just trust the man.

As much as I feared that Tafari was getting it on with his baby's mother, I would never stop by his house unannounced.

I decided to wait for him. The wait was nerve-wrenching and my thoughts ran wild but still, I knew waiting was the best thing to do.

Hours later, Tafari finally knocked on my front door. When I opened it, he stepped in and looked around.
"You one deh yah?"

I frowned
"Who else fi deh yah?"