"Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship. It's just a bonus."
Renna has been told many times that sex is an important part of life and vital in a relationship, but as a sex-repulsed asexual, she has no desire for sexual intimacy- -ever...
Neither of them spoke on the car ride back to Renna's apartment. When Jensen pulled up outside the building, he offered to walk her inside. She told him he didn't have to, but he insisted.
They stayed silent all the way up to the third floor and until they reached her door.
Renna unlocked it and turned to look up at Jensen. "Thanks," she said in a soft voice.
"No problem." He gave a small smile and glanced around for a moment. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah." The pressure was building. She opened the door and stepped inside. Hiding behind the door and poking her head around, she forced a smile and she said, "I just want to go to bed. Thanks again."
Before he could reply, she shut the door and fell back against it. Her fake smile vanished in an instant. She waited until she was sure he would be at the elevator, then she broke down. The dam she had built up after leaving Levi's crashed and crumbled, and the overwhelming emotions flowed through her.
Sobs seized her. Shaking her body. Crushing her chest and hunching her over. A tightness suffocated her like a hand squeezing around her throat. Tears poured from her eyes, streaming down her face, dripping onto the wooden floor.
A knock on the door made her jump. She pulled away from it, and with her hand on the handle, she tried to force her emotions away. Failing to pull herself together, she pulled the door open; tears on her cheeks, heaving and sobbing.
Jensen stood there. Saddened. "Can I come in?"
Renna gave him a nod, stepping to the side to let him in.
He shut the door behind him and turned back to face the sad girl. They stared at each other for a few seconds.
Renna wanted to hold it together, but after two purposeful deep breaths, she fell to pieces. She cried into her hands, letting out loud wails.
Jensen's hand rested on her shoulder. Testing the waters.
Renna dove in. Falling against Jensen's firm chest. He wrapped an arm around her, stroking her back.
Despite her embarrassment and guilt for crying on Jensen, she let out every emotion through sobs, wails, and tears. There's no holding it back. She couldn't stop if she wanted to.
"I'm—I'm—sorry," she said between sobs.
Jensen wrapped his other arm around her. "It's fine." He gave her a squeeze. "You don't have to apologise."
"I can't—can't believe he—he would—do that."
He hesitated. "I—I hate to say...I kinda saw it coming."
She tensed in his hold. Pulled away from him. Stood back, staring. Hurt and confused. "What?"
He avoided her stare, staring down at the floor, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, as he said, "He kept bragging about how he was going to make you change your mind."
Taking a step back, she shook her head.
"But," he continued, holding his hands up, looking at her. "I thought he meant he was going to try talk you into it. I would've never have thought he would do something like that."
Renna stared at the ground, not knowing what to say. Jensen stayed quiet, watching her.
Her chest spasmed and juddered with quiet sobs. Nothing she did could make it stop. He planned it. It was his plan all along. He never respected me. He just wanted to draw me in to get what he wanted. How could I be so stupid?
"Do you want me to leave?" Jensen asked.
Renna looked up at a sorry-looking Jensen. It's not his fault, she decided. "No—I mean, you can leave if you want. But you can stay too. I don't—I don't mind."
Jensen showed half a smile. "Why don't you go take a shower. I'll make you something to eat."
Renna took a moment to consider his offer before saying, "You don't have to."
"I know." He gave a full, warm smile. "What do you feel like?"
"I'm not very hungry."
"Something to drink maybe?" He suggested.
"Coffee. It will be in the cupboard." She felt a little bad. He shouldn't be making her a drink. She can manage. But he did offer.
"Alright." He made his way over to the small kitchen. "Take your time."
In the shower, she stood under the warm water, staring down at her bare feet, watching the water swirl around the drain. Steam rose around her. The water cascaded over her head. It soothed her. She focused on her heartbeat. Her breathing. Tried to keep her thoughts away from Levi and what he did.
Breathe in and out, she told herself. In...and out. In...and out. In and—
The weight on her chest became too much. It crushed her. Suffocated her. A lump forced its way up her throat. Pressure sat behind her eyes. She relieved it through cries. Sobs and wails. Salty tears mixed with the hot water.
The trickling water reminded her of Levi's hands on her. His lingering touch. She could still feel his fingers dug into her skin. The pull of her clothes. His warm lips against her neck. Fear in her stomach. Panic. Disgust.
Her head spun. Nausea crept up her throat. The water turned from relaxing to distressing.
She turned the water off and stepped out, pleased with the cold air. Wrapped in a towel, she stared at herself in the mirror. She couldn't help the disgust she felt towards her reflection. Not something she was used to.
Her eyes were red and still brimming with tears. Cheeks red and puffy. She looked paler than normal. She thought her freckles looked awful, and her dripping wet shoulder length hair made her look ugly.
She faced away from the mirror as she dried and dressed herself. Normally, she would use a hairdryer to dry her hair, but with the lack of energy or motivation, she towel dried her hair before hanging the towel on the rack.
Stepping out of the bathroom took her breath away. Her mouth fell open as she looked around the room.
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