Mine (Bucky Barnes)

Thirty-Eight

Tried to upload this earlier, but the website was giving me error messages. But here it's here, now! 

Not gonna lie, this was a tough chapter to write. If you've ever lost someone, I'm so sorry. Truly. Grief is a beast and depression is a tough bitch to navigate. I did my best to represent one way that someone might handle both. Remember, everyone handles grief differently. This is how Mirjana goes through it. <3 Artie

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The sun rose high into the air, shining bright and forcing sweat down everyone's necks from its heat. Whatever little breeze there was, Bucky blocked out with his body that encased her in a hug. Tears ran down Mirjana's cheeks as she stared at the blurry uncovered grave, the shape of her unborn son's casket hovering over the hole barely visible. Bucky rested his chin on the top of her head, both hands rubbing up and down her stomach.

The others surrounded them, heads bowed reverently as a man said a prayer. She didn't know if he was a priest, preacher, or another religious figurehead. The bright colors of the Dora Milaje begged her eyes to turn their way, but she couldn't. Not when her first baby was alone, right in front of her.

She never got to hold him.

Bile bubbled up her throat and she broke free of Bucky's hug, racing to the side to throw up. A strong metal hand drew circles over her back, another pair of hands holding her hair. She coughed and spit a few times to get rid of the last of the bile.

"You okay?" Bucky whispered. He now kneeled next to her on the grass. She collapsed in his arms, desperate to cry, but no sound came out. A steady stream of tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"They're done with the prayers." Natasha squatted next to them. Mirjana assumed she was the one that held her hair up. "Do you want to watch them lower him down?"

"Here's fine," she managed to stutter. It was all blurry to her, anyway. The kitten, who had remained perched on Bucky's shoulder, jumped into Mirjana's arms. Her soft purrs brought a sense of comfort.

Bucky turned so they could see the casket from where they sat. His body was behind her, arms and legs encasing her. This was the same position they sat in whenever they had visited his grave back in Bucharest. He would hold her while she braided pieces of grass into a crown. When it was complete, she would set it on the marker above his grave. It was only then that they would leave.

Even now, her hands began tearing the grass out of the ground, immediately weaving the pieces together. As quickly as she was weaving the grass, the kitten chewed it up. Not that Jana noticed. Her vacant eyes stared ahead, not focusing on anything in particular. She shoved her practically useless glasses on top of her head.

Bucky's stoic exterior faltered once again. He rested his forehead against Mirjana's shoulder and began to softly sing a tune she often sang when sad. He looked it up a while ago and discovered she had changed a few words of the old marching song.

"Tamo daleko, daleko kraj lesa,

Tamo je srce moje, tamo je sloboda.

Tamo je srce moje, tamo je sloboda.

Tamo daleko, gde šumša zeleni,

Tamo je našoj vojsci vazda pobede put.

Tamo je našoj vojsci vazda pobede put.

Tamo daleko u Bucharest skalnati,

Tamo je ljubav moja, tamo je sin moj!

Tamo je ljubav moja, tamo je sin moj!"

Mirjana hummed along to the tune, fingers absentmindedly working. The casket lowered into the ground and before long, it was covered in dirt. The large group that had come with the grieving parents slowly dispersed, taking two of the three hovercraft's they occupied on the way over. Even Ayo left to give them as much privacy as they might need.