𝚃𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗

012: Self Esteem

Marie Smith

"Please stop I'm sorry" I said crying trying to get DeAndre to stop hitting me on my thighs.

"I told yo ass Marie to stop talking to him you put this shit on yourself" He yelled at me hitting me more harder bring more tears to my eyes.

"Ok I won't do it again just please stop your hurting me" I begged. He finally stopped and left the room leaving me in so much pain in my legs.

He was doing this for a month now and I don't know why. I know for a fact it's his mom from the shit I heard her say to him last night now he is finding some excuse to hit me because I was talking to Dayvon about something. Dayvon was my childhood friend just like DeAndre and he knew that so why get mad about it. DeAndre is getting more insecure about himself and he takes it out on me. I still love him and I wanna help him but he won't let me. He's never at school his grades are dropping and he is letting his anger issues take control over him. I can't keep buying more makeup then Treyvon going to look at my card purchases and wonder why I needed that of it.

I put on my clothes and left as he was in the bathroom. I had to leave when he wasn't there cause he was gon try to make me not leave. I drove back home in tears from my legs and thighs still in pain. I pulled up home and ran straight to my room and locked the door. I heard Treyvon calling me but I was covering myself. I changed into some sweatpants and took three pain pills. I did my eye drop to make my eyes clear so they wouldn't know I was crying then went downstairs.

"Yes?" I said walking up to Treyvon as he was smoking his weed looking at me.

"What you in a rush for?" He asked putting his blunt out.

"I had to change my pad" I said looking everywhere but at him. I do that when I'm lying.

"Mm I know you lying but I'll leave you alone. And grandma said stop buying all that makeup before your acne comes back and your skin breaks out" He said I nodded

"Why you limping?" He asked looking at my legs.

"I fell over a chair at DeAndre's house. I took a pain pill" I said trying to look at him. He scares me when he knows I'm lying.

"If I find out your lying it ain't gon look good for you Marie" He said. I nodded and went to my room and laid down.

I put in some healing cream on my thighs and legs hoping no one would come in and see my bruises. He was hitting me so hard the bruises turned purple. I cried softly just thinking about and seeing how stupid I look. I can't keep dealing with this but I love him and he loves me but sometimes I feel like he loves me too much where if I leave he'll kill me. I just wish I could do better and get him to stop and get help. I want the person I fell in love with back. He always tells me I'm his Self Esteem

I cleaned myself up and wiped my tears away. I put on my Airpods and put on Self Esteem by Lamboe4oe my favorite song when I'm fucked up. I ended up crying again so hard I fell asleep. I woke up and it was now 10:30 pm and I went to the bathroom. After I was done I looked at myself in the mirror then grabbed my little box in my mirror. I took out my blade and my rag then sat on the floor. I lifted up my sleeve seeing a hand bruise when he grabbed me and held me down. I did what I did I cried hating it but I felt like I needed it. It makes me feel like I deserved it cause I won't leave him or get him help or fight back. All the shit that is going on in my life cutting make me feel like shit that I do or gets done to me has to get left with a scar. I realized I cut too deep when I did it and I grabbed my rag and held it there. When the bleeding stopped I put my stuff up and put my sleeve back down. I back in my room and noticed how dirty it was getting but I stopped caring. I use to always love having a clean room and now I didn't have the energy to do it. I'm always in my room when I'm home if I'm not home I'm dealing, with DeAndre, at school or at the store that's it. I use to go everywhere and do everything and now I just don't want too. I'm not really talking with Meia that much as we use too. It makes her sad and I know it. It makes me sad but there's nothing to say much more. She has her life and I have mine. She's getting closer with Dayvon and I'm happy for her.