A New Life (BoyxBoy)(Poly)

Chapter 24

Adam POV

I climb into the shower, a dull expression on my face. The cold water washes over me. My knees buckle as I feel my fingers trace over where his horrible hands touched me. They float from my hand, to my wrist, to my side, and up to my lips. The taste is mostly gone after Daniel kissed me in the car...

My mind wanders back to them... things were just starting to get better...

I bang my head angrily against the shower wall. Why does this always happen? It's like the universe only gives me things so they can be taken away, each time hurting more than the last. Am I really just some twisted game for whatever fucked up presence is out there?!

My hot tears mix with the shower water as I feel the need to scream, to hurt, to do something other than stand here in this disgusting pool of despair.

If I hadn't been such a coward all those times- If I had just gotten it over with- then I wouldn't be here, doing what I'm doing, feeling what I'm feeling. It would finally be over, this agonizing circle of torture.

But I was too weak. Too much of a coward.

And now those people out there, they care about me. Now it's too late.

I shut the water off, stepping out. I feel nothing as I dry myself off. Not tired. Not cold. Not lonely. No thoughts travel through my head.

I am empty.

This isn't a rare feeling for me, not until recently. The feeling you have when simply breathing becomes a chore.

I clothe myself and step out of the bathroom, undecided in where I should go.

Jason, Daniel and Noah sit surrounding the couch in various positions. When they notice me, James walks over and guides me to the couch. He sits me in a pile of fluffy blankets and offers me the kind of tea I mentioned liking several weeks ago. I take a sip, staring straight ahead.

There is a quiet movie on, but my eyes remain unfocused. Time blurs together as I am asked a few questions, likely giving minimal responses, if any.

The movie stops playing and I walk to my room. I say something to them, but I don't know..

..I don't know.

I shut the door behind me, collapsing onto my bed. My head is still fuzzy, but now everything is washing over me in waves. Regret. Frustration. Anger. Confusion. Each one overwhelms me until I can't breathe any longer. I'm drowning.

My shaking hand clasps my thigh. I need to.. I need to--

The door creaks open. I instantly go limp, relaxing my muscles and flattening my breathing. I'm good at fake sleeping. It's gotten me out of worse troubles in worse times.

The light flicks off, and the room fills with darkness. I can hear whispers from across the room.

"..check in on him. Okay?"

I recognize the voice as Daniel's. His shadow leaves the doorframe and the door falls closed with a long squeak. Only a sliver of light is left peeking through.

I let out a sigh of relief, before a freezing cold washes over me. My palms are clammy, and beads of sweat drip down my forehead.