If that's what it takes

54

Derek stood in the lobby, waiting patiently as he checked his watch. He had a lot on his mind and not much to quell it. He was about ten minutes early for meeting up with Kara, so he lifted his phone from his pocket and made the inevitable call.

"Hi." A small voice answered the phone as Derek smiled softly.

"Sammy..." Derek said into the phone as he recognized his niece's voice as she breathed into the line. "Where is mommy?"

"Mommy... is... who is this?"

"Uncle Derek, silly girl."

"UNCLE DEREK! MOMMY! UNCLE DEREK IS ON THE..."

Suddenly, the little girl's voice was distant as the phone lifted to another person's ear. "Derek?"

"Sarah..." Derek smiled as he listened to his sister tell Sammy to take her dinner plate to the sink.

"Explain..." His sister said suddenly as Derek chuckled into the line.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Derek said as he shook his head and listened to the curious sound in his sister's voice.

"Derek Shepherd... you were talking to someone last night and when I asked about it, you hung up like you were trying to keep something from me... now out with it..." She said in her 'mommy' voice.

"Sarah... would I ever keep anything from you?" Derek asked with a playful chuckle as his sister laughed, almost bitterly into the phone.

"Yes... yes you would... now what's going on?"

"Who was planning on having Thanksgiving at their house this year?" Derek asked, avoiding the question.

"I think Nancy..." She said softly, noting her brother's change of subject. "Derek..."

"What do you think about you all coming out here for Thanksgiving this year?" He asked honestly, his voice hopeful as he listened to the long pause on the other end of the line. "It's October seventh now... and Thanksgiving isn't until the end of November, it'll give you guys enough time to plan and get tickets... the house is big enough... I can accommodate." He said, feeling excited at the prospect of his family visiting for the first time.

"Derek..."

"Seriously... Sarah..."

"Derek, that's crazy... there's more than twenty of us... and we can't leave Marjorie here alone."

"Bring her too." Derek said, referring to his stepmother whom he had been on the outs with for several years, since his father had passed away.

"You want us to bring Marjorie too? Derek... what has gotten into you? Are you dying or something?"

"Sarah... cut that out." Derek said sharply as he watched Kara step out of the elevator. "Think about it, okay? Talk to Nancy, Kathleen and Jen... see what they think."

"Derek..."

"I have to go, my friend is here... I'm walking with her to pick her daughter up at school... just... just think about it, okay? I have to go..."

"Derek..."

"Sarah... think about it... I really want you guys to come to Seattle... I love you..." He said quickly as he snapped his phone closed as Kara approached, her hands in her jacket pocket as she smiled. "Ready to go?" He said as he nodded toward the door and put his hands in his pockets.

"Ready to go." She said with a smile as she walked up alongside him and they began their walk to the school.

They were quiet for a while, lost in their thoughts as Derek watched her look to the ground as they stepped over the sidewalk. "How was the pediatric floor today?" He asked, trying to make conversation with her as she looked up at him.

"It was good... it was good..." She nodded. "Surgery?"

"I assisted on two... it was fun, rewarding... it's always a high to get into that operating room." Derek said softly as he watched her walk for a moment. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah..." She said as she glanced to him. "One of my kids died last night." She said softly as she watched the concern in Derek's eyes.

"Oh..." He whispered as he put his hand on her shoulder lightly. "I'm sorry to hear that..." He said as he watched her eyes lift to his, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I'm sorry..." he whispered.

"It's... it's alright... I just..." She sniffled as she wiped the tear from her cheek. "I try not to get emotional about it, you know... try to stay disconnected... but you know... they're kids... and they're handed this crappy chance at life... and they have so much spirit, so much passion, so much..."

"Life?" Derek whispered.

"Yes!" She exclaimed as she stopped on the sidewalk. "They have so much life... and it gets torn out from beneath them faster than they can take a breath... it's not fair... it's just not fair..." She said as she put her face in her hands. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm a mess, I'm so sorry..." She whispered as she walked down the sidewalk quickly away from Derek, shaking her head as she talked to herself, scolding herself for being vulnerable, for falling apart in front of this stranger.

"Kara... wait a second..." Derek said as he walked quickly to catch up with her. "Hang on..." He said as he touched her shoulder.

"I'm stupid... stupid, stupid... with a stupid heart and stupid tears and I just embarrass myself..." She muttered to herself as she continued to walk.

"Kara, wait..." Derek said softly as he finally got her to turn and face him, her eyes were red rimmed and sad, her eyes still filled with unshed tears.

"What?" She whispered.

"It's alright to be vulnerable... and it's alright to be attached to your patients... like you said... they're kids... innocent children who..." Derek paused for a moment as the sounds of Zoey's screaming the night before passed through his mind. "Who experienced something... or...are...they need... they need someone to be there for them." He said softly. "And you should be proud that you were the one that was there for them when they were so broken, alone and scared... You should be proud of that." He said with a soft smile as he watched her wipe her tears. "I'm sure this isn't the first time you've lost a patient." He said as he watched her shake her head slowly.

"It's a constant battle... I work with terminal kids... meaning... no turning back." She whispered.

"But you're giving them something to live for... even if it's temporary." Derek said with a slow smile as he held out his arm. "Come on... let's go get Zoey and Carrie... and we'll grab a slice of pizza or something... unless you had other plans." He said as he shrugged his shoulder and watched her shake her head.

"Just dinner..." She shrugged.

"Good..." He said with a smile. "Dinner is on me." He said as he walked with her toward the school, as their conversation slowly started back up again.