Fading Away ✅

Chapter Forty-four

Many words, quotes, and jokes filled my head but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't put them down.

My waste bucket had been filled with crumpled notes of just one or two lines. I knew the words but I couldn't express them. In those crumpled papers, I wanted to give my best, I wanted perfection. I had planned it all out.
Start with a joke, include memories, acknowledge one or two teachers, tell a room mostly full of strangers of a future I didn't even have an idea of, and the finale, a motivational quote that is sure to leave them speechless.

I could plan it in my head but anytime I filled a paper with a line or two, it ended up like the rest. Crumpled and rejected.

I couldn't do it and with three days left to graduation, I apologized firsthand to Principal Hade and told him I didn't want to be valedictorian anymore. He tried to protest but I had made up my mind. I did feel bad for waiting till the last minute to quit but I just couldn't.

Principal Hade mounts the stage amidst clapping. He forces a smile throughout the time it takes the noise to die down.

"Let's give another round of applause to our graduating students"

This time the noise that fills the gym has me cringing at how excited they all are.

It takes a while for the noise to die down but when it does it's so silent you can hear a pin drop.

And now, let's welcome our valedictorian, Brittany Michael.

I watch shocked as Brittany mounts the stage with the claps welcoming her.
Of everyone I thought would replace me, I never in a million years imagined Brittany.

She faces us, her smile poised and her movements calculated and the moment she opens her mouth to speak, she pauses.

"Um...hello...", she falters and she stumbles over her next words.

She takes in a deep breath and lifts her head to the crowd.

"Wow, I thought this would be easy"

A few laughs ring through the crowd before it settles down quickly.

"My class and I were given a final essay to write.
High school is where it all begins. What is your take on it?

I remember staring at the board in confusion and pondering over what the topic itself meant. Mrs. Jenning told us to be creative because there was no limit.

I felt she was giving us an essay for the fun of it, to study how humans behave in a confusing environment but it just struck me pondering days after I had submitted the paper I wasn't sure what I could have written about- adulthood and change.

At least, that's my take.

First and foremost, I want to say sorry.
Sorry to the people I let down. To the people I hurt", her eyes meet mine for a second before moving away.

"The people I could have helped but didn't", a tear slides down her cheeks and she wipes it away.

"I wish they were here to know that if I could turn back the hands of the clock, I would have made sure they got help even if they hated me for it"

A deafening silence fills the pause as she tries to hold back her tears.

"Starting freshman year is a whole new change", she starts again trying to regain her tone.

"Everybody is either excited, nervous, scared, or all of them. Entering a new phase in our lives, we are sometimes oblivious to the next thing that is going to happen. We want to be seen and treated as adults for entering the dimension of opportunities, risks, and fame", she puts air quotes on the last word before pausing and continuing