So This Is Love ~~~~ R.P.

xvi. Never Again

The past weekend consisted of Alex heading out to see his ghost friend and Luke and Julie writing songs. Leaving the only two people alone with the presence of each other's company.

I couldn't handle the silence between Reggie and I. We haven't really talked since we performed Flying Solo for Flynn. We sat outside in Julie's backyard in silence. The only noise made was the breeze causing the rustling of leaves and the faint sound of music comnig from inside the garage.

I fiddled with dandelion stems as I hummed a small tune I've been working on.

"That sounds nice. What is it?" Reggie asks softly, refering to my quiet humming.

"Just something I've been working on," I answer flatly.

"You going to show it to Luke?"

"Nah. This isn't a Sunset Curve song. It's just mine," I smile slowly.

"Ah..."

I made a small ring out of the dandelions and placed it on my finger. The breeze grew quieter, increasing the silence between Reggie and I.

"Did I do something wrong?" Reggie asked quietly, almost silently.

"What?"

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked louder.

That's when I turned to fully face him. His lips curled into a small frown. His eyebrows slightly furrowed. His eyes were filled with a mixture of worry, confusion and frustration. A hint of red was visible on his cheeks as his glossy eyes continued to stare into mine.

"Why...why would you ask that?" I whisper.

"You're acting weird. I don't know why. Did I do something? You've been distant and quiet all the time. I just want to know if everyhting is ok," Reggie shifted.

"I told you, I'm fine," I exasperated as I threw myself backward on the grass. It tickled my neck.

"No, you're not. Why do you keep saying that? Something is wrong and I want to know what it is. I'm asking as your...um...friend," Reggie stuttered

I stayed still on the grass. I couldn't look at him. I can't look at him, I was practically on the verge of tears. The truth was, I didn't know what was wrong.

Yes, I was upset and jealous that Reggie was talking about other girls, but we aren't even a thing so he's free to do what he pleases.

I wanted to figure out this whole ghost thing and how Julie knows who I am.

I was also a tad jealous that Julie and Luke were writing songs together. That was our thing, Luke and I always wrote songs together. They didn't invite me into their "little writing sesh", as Luke called it.

But most of all, I was tired of lying. I hate how I'm treating the boys. They deserve to know the truth about my death.

Silent sob escaped my mouth as tears slowly rolled down mu temples.

"I lied, Reggie."

"About what?"

"My death," I breathed as sat up, burying my head in my knees. "I...wasn't hit by a car. I...I took my own life on my bathroom floor. I'm sorry. I am so sorry, but I couldnt take it anymore. I was depressed when you guys left. I can't believe I let my world revolve aound you guys, but you were family. I...I couldn't live with out you. I stopped playing music, I dropped out of high school, I...was slowly...killing myself. I just couldn't handle speaking to anyone. I shut everyone out, my mom, Bobby, even Bea. So...I took my mom's opioid pills and passed out. I never woke up. God, Bea was just outside the door, too," I lifted my head, revealing my bloodshot eyes, mascara stains, and light red complection. "It was so selfish and stupid. I...I just left Bea, my only sister, that I had known my entire life, for three dumb guys who died from old hot dogs. I lied because I didn't want you guys to worry. Everything is just so frustrating and confusing and I don't know how to deal with it."

Silence erupted again.

Through my blurry vision, I could seek Reggie's flustered expression. His eyebrows were slightly raised along with the hint of pity in his eyes.

Great job, Jaiden. You scared the boy.

"Jaiden...why didn't you...I mean...I didn't..."Reggie stuttered as he struggled to find the right words. "I'm sorry."

Silence once again fell upon us.

Reggie shifted closer to me. He lifted his hand and used his index finger and thumb to move my chin up to face him in the eyes.

"Look, I didn't know you we're hurting this much. I'm sorry that you had to keep that in. I honestly don't know what to say right now. I can't say I know what you're going through, because I don't. And I won't try to. I will try to undersrand and help you in anyway I can," Reggie said lowly. The sincerity in his eyes were all that needed to convince me.

"I'm sorry I lied. I didn't want to worry you guys," I reliped, pulling my head away from his hand.

"It's ok," Reggie murmered softly. "Do the guys now? Luke and Alex?"

"No...you're the first person I've told."

"Oh," Reggie responded quietly.

"Please don't tell them," I pleaded as I turned to face him. "I don't want anyone to know yet. I want to tell them when I'm ready."

"Ok, I won't tell. I promise," Reggie smiled.

Slowly, he lifted his arm and wrapped it around my shoulder, pulling me into a warm side embrace.

God, what I would give to to see what he's thinking right now.

Does he think I'm crazy? Is he pitying me?

"Y'know," Reggie began, intrupting the silence yet again, "My parents hated each other. They fought all the time. This band was all I had. My world revolves around you, Luke, Alex, and now Julie. I'd do anything for you guys. I don't blame you for what you did. Hell, I might've done the same."

"I guess that's what we have in common; this band and-"

"Parents who hate us," Reggie chuckled lowly.

"Well, to be fair, my mom hated you guys, not so much me."

"Ok well, they're gone now, God knows where. I'm not going to worry about them and neither are you. We have a new chance a life. We've been given a rare chance to finally be together, just the four of us," Reggie smiled. "You're not alone, Jaiden, not anymore. Never again."

"Thank you."

As silence fell on us one final time, I felt content. I was relieved that finally someone knew the truth. I couldn't be any more grateful for Reggie. His reassurance made me feel less guilty about all this. This was all I needed. Just me under his arm as we sat together.

The breeze whispered through our ears again, but now, the atmosphere was different. It felt fresh, clean. Hopeful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n

hello! i finally updated, thank god. im really trying to wrap up this book lol. thank you so much for your patience!

ive been writing drafts but kept deleting them cuz i dont really feel confident in the stories. idk but im working on it. i have the story already laid out but im having trouble trying to put it into words lol. i will try to update tomorrow tho! so far i think i have at least 6 chapters left but idk, there might be more. hope you liked this little filler, it was interesting to write. now reggie knows that truth...let's see where that'll lead...

we ranked #1 on reggiexoc for awhile (now #6)! thats exciting. we also were #3 on reggiejatp too (now #4), and now we have about 600 reads! thank you all so so much. i really appreciate it.

See ya on the flip side
~ S♡