I'm Blind Not Fragile

Chapter 24

"Oh, that's just storage. It's probably like old clothes, or photos or something like that. A lot of things got put into boxes like these when dad moved out. I doubt Raine even knows these are here."

As I finished talking Erica had already started pulling the boxes down. When I asked her what she was doing she simply said, "If you think I'm going to miss out on baby pictures of you I haven't seen yet, you are sorely mistaken." she had two boxes stacked on top of each other and marched out of the room. I barked a laugh grabbed the other two and followed her.

We settled in the living room, opening the boxes and sitting on the floor. 30 minutes into embarrassing photos and good-humored laughing. Erica pulled out a collage of pictures of me and Raine as babies. We looked so similar when we were each babies I remember my mom saying we could have been twins if you ignored the dates on the photos.

"Oh my goodness you were both the cutest little babies of all time!" Erica exclaimed showing me the sheet. "What do perfect baby genes run in your family?" she asked and suddenly the atmosphere shifted as we both thought about genes, and babies.

"Are we going to talk about this Erica? Because I want to talk about it with you." I finally said. One of us needs to bite the bullet and get this conversation started. We needed to readjust our vision of the future.

"We can talk about this Eric, but I know what I want to do. I'm not ready to be a mother. I'm not ready to have a baby. I think it's time to go see a doctor and ask about terminating." Her words knocked the air out of me. The picture of us in our white picket fence house crumbled away like sand. She didn't want to have a baby with me. Our future isn't as sure in her mind as it is in mine.

"Erica, why? We can do this. We'll get a house and I can get my degree and take over dads company. I know I can be a good dad. I know I haven't had the greatest role model but you don't have to worry, I will rise to the challenge. And I know you'll be a great mother-" she cut me off before I could keep going.

"Eric. Stop. I'm not saying I don't want a baby because of you, or that I don't want to be with you because I do. I see us married in 10 years, with kids and in a house and you'll take over your dad's company and turn it into something our children can be proud of. But Eric, in 10 years we'll be 28. we are 18. I don't want to put my life on hold to have a baby neither of us is ready for. I don't want to resent my baby because every time I see them I think of all the things my life could have been. I want to bring a child into a world that's ready for them, with parents that are ready for them. Right now we don't have a baby, but in 7 months we could. I'm just not ready and I know I won't be in those 7 months. I'm thinking about our future. We're just kids ourselves we arent ready to have our own kids. I will not be giving birth at 19 I'm sorry but no." It took me a minute to fully absorb what she was saying.

It's not the end of the world. And it's not the end of us. It was unrealistic of me; to think that this would only mean moving up the timeline in my head. And being pregnant is both mentally and physically demanding. Why not wait until we were ready to start a family. We have to choice to wait. So why shouldn't we?

"Erica. I hear you. I will support you until the end of time. But you better know that in no way am I afraid to spend forever with you. You and I is the one thing I will always believe in. I love you more than anything in this world and we are going to grow old together. So what does it matter if we wait a while until we start a family. What is a couple of years compared to forever? " I wiped off the tears streaking down her face. "Let me know when you make the appointment. No matter when it is I will be there." I brought ou head together and rested my forehead against hers. "I will always be there for you." I whispered.

We sat like that for a while. Both of us crying, but both of us trusting in the other for comfort. We got through this trial, just like we will get through all others. We are inevitable.