I'm Blind Not Fragile

Chapter 24

What the fuck has Raine gotten herself into? Messing with gang shit. The blind for crying out loud! I still sometimes walk her to school, but she hangs out with gangs. She's never even told me she is in a relationship let alone with some gangster. I raised her better than that. And I did raise her. We can all pretend to ignore how our Father pretends she doesn't exist half the time. And when he does acknowledge her it's tense, strained, sometimes even hateful. He was always so kind to me. I don't understand why he hates her. Why Raine? His only daughter? His youngest? He's always been distant from us, hell he doesn't even live in the same house, but with her is something else. Something more.

And now she's missing, and I don't know if she's alright, dad said she was with him, but why? Why would she be with him? They hate each other. She doesn't even call him dad. She calls him simply by his given name Howard.

The interaction with that man. What was his name again? Oh yeah, Gavin. The alley scene with him scared the shit out of me. I'm a good guy, a law-abiding citizen even, how the hell is my baby sister involved with gangs? When did it start? They must have manipulated her into something. They probably saw a blind girl as an easy mark. When could this have happened? I like to think I'm a big part of Raine's life. I would have noticed if something changed. Right? I practically raised that little shit and now she thinks she can go around and join some gang? When I find her and she is safely back in my arms I'm going to force her to sit and listen to me lecture her about her bad decisions. We'll sit in the living room and talk about our feelings. And she'll hate it. Nothing makes Raine more uncomfortable than a serious conversation where there is no room for jokes or deflection.

But first I have to find her. Gangster Gavin said the boyfriend didn't know where she was. This Brandon kid sounds pretty serious. Like scarily high up in ranks of their gang serious. If he doesn't know where she is does that mean their entire gang doesn't know where she is? Oh god, what if she's been kidnapped from our father's house by some rival gang? Oh my god, what if she's dying because of some turf war shit? Or is some new dealer trying to prove a point? Solidify their position? I swear to fucking god if Raine is doing drugs I will kill her myself.

No. no. I need to calm down. If Raine was kidnapped by some gang, our father would have called the police. He's a bastard to her, but he would care if she went missing. Right? No, chances are Raine is with our father. But I need to know what's going on with them. They detest each other. Dad has never shown any interest in his youngest child. He wouldn't keep her for nearly a week for some bonding. Something fishy is going on here and I seem to be the only one who has noticed. Then again she lives so many lives. How is it I barely know my own sister. Who is Gertrude Raine Lewis?

My search for my baby sister has only resulted in more questions than answers. She is a different person to everyone she meets. I know her as the sweet quiet girl who felt anxious about carrying around a big braille book when she was 13. I helped her set up a kindle so she could listen to audiobooks on it. My Raine likes to go outside into the street when it's pouring with only a T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. Saying it helps her feel closer to mom. Mom loved the rain. I would hold her hand while she just stands on the sidewalk head tilted back so she can feel it all. Sometimes when I can tell the raindrops aren't the only reason her eyes are wet I would take her into my arms and twirl her around. And we would dance in the street. Soaked head to toe I would dance with my little sister until the darkness would leave her face. Raine loves to dance. I am the only one who understands her so completely because I'm the only one who has felt everything she has. Although that isn't so true is it? I thought I knew Raine, but maybe I only know the side she wanted to show when she was at home. I was here when mom died. I held Riane as she cried and cried.

I put all of myself into helping Raine deal with her grief that I never actually focused on my own. I was angry. And distant in school. I was 13 years old taking care of my 10-year-old sister because my father finally gave up on us. I missed a lot of school, I was taking care of Raine, and I couldn't bring myself to care. I couldn't bring myself to care about anything. Anything but Raine. My sister my responsibility. I failed every test and assignment given. I stopped doing homework. Didn't study for tests. I was walking Raine to school, or cooking, or letting off steam in my room punching my punching bag. I was an angry kid. I pushed away a lot of my friends. The others just kind of gave up on me. I failed 8th grade and had to repeat it. When I pulled myself out of my bad phase, after months and months of talking to my school counselor. I was alone. All my old friends were in the grade above me. They moved up to high school while I had to redo the 8th grade with kids I didn't know. But I pulled myself through that too. And I made new friends. And I became one of the top students in my class, and none of my new friends care that I'm a 19-year-old senior. Did I lose sight of my baby sister when I put so much time into fixing myself? Was I selfish and now my sister doesn't trust me? No. I can't think like that. I have the right to make my mental health a priority. I would have been no good for her if I didn't pull myself together back then. And we are close. I know we are. But how could she not tell me she has a boyfriend? How could there be such a big part of her life that I don't know about?