CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

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'Stop- Stop it, Zayn.' Louis' voice sounds in my ear, trying to get me out of this sick twisted part in my mind. 'If you kill him, you'll go to prison without discussion and this whole thing will be for nothing.' He says firmly. His words need time to sink in. And when they do he finishes off with the most ground breaking thing he ever said. 'If you kill him, you'll never see her again.'

'Coast clear?' A voice suddenly interrupts my flash back. I really don't need to turn around to know who's voice it is, but I still do.

'I'm holding my eyes closed for when there are things I can't see, but I heard you guys talk so I figured the worst was over.' Evelyn walks in with, literally, her hands covering her eyes. 'I called the police. They're on the way. Everyone okay?'

And before I can answer her, I suddenly feel Harry's hand touching my arm. 'Take her outside, say your goodbyes and we'll make sure everything is fine in here.' He whispers to me, making sure she doesn't hear any of it.

I stare at him for a while, reminding myself of how happy I am she has someone like Harry in her life. And then I nod and give him a thankful smile, before I walk up to her and turn her around again while her hands are still covering her eyes.

'Everyone's fine.' I let her know while guiding her in the direction of the door again.

'Why can't I come inside?' She protests a bit and I realize her stubborn character won't be something that will die soon.

'You don't want to see that.'

'Is it so bad?'

'Bad enough for you to get nightmares, yes.'

At this point I can breathe in the fresh night air. I'm surprised it's already dark outside. It only makes me realize how I have no idea what time it actually is right now.

I turn Evelyn around in my arms again and lower her hands so I'm finally able to meet her eyes.

'You still mad at me?' The way she pouts her lips melts my heart and I really need to prevent myself from kissing her.

'Of course I am.' I say in all seriousness. 'You were reckless, stubborn and basically brought everyone in danger. Probably yourself most of all. So yes, I'm still mad at you, and I don't think that's going away anytime soon.'

'I know and I'm sorry- I-...'

'Like who on earth jumps in front of someone who wants her dead, with a gun she can't even handle herself?! Where did you even get that gun from?'

'From Niall.'

'From- ... What?'

'Long story.' She shrugs like it's something I better don't know.

I stare at her for a while, wondering how on earth someone can have so much determination. It's fascinating. She is fascinating, but such a struggle at the same time.

'This could've ended much worse... You understand that, right?' I try to make sense to her.

And nothing could prepare me on what she was about to say next.

'No, I don't understand.' She says firmly and suddenly glowering at me. 'Because how could this end much worse, Zayn? It's good... Yes... Nobody died. We are all alive. And that's lovely... But as selfish as it may sound, it doesn't make up to the fact that I will still have to miss you from the moment the police officer will take you away from me. You will be gone. You won't be dead, but you'll be gone. And I don't know how to cope with that, Zayn.' The tears start glistering in her eyes while she continues. 'It will be like you died after all... It will be like this whole thing was for nothing. It will be like-'

'It will be the thing that keeps me going.'

It silences her for a while. But it doesn't take long.

'And what do I get from that?' Her voice cracks and the tears slip down her cheeks.

'You get a new chance in life. You get to meet someone new.'

'I don't want someone new.'

'You will, eventually.' It frustrates me while thinking about it. Because in all honesty, I don't want her to find someone new. I just want her to have me.

'I want you, Zayn.'

'You always have me.'

'That's not true!'

It is true though... But I understand how she thinks it isn't. Even if I'm in jail for ten years, she still has me when I get out. But she won't be able to wait that long. She'll try her best and it'll last for a year, maybe two, but there is no way she can hold onto me for ten years. Not when you are free from doing whatever you want.

It's then when I feel the incredible urge to kiss her. And I don't even think twice when my hands cup her face and bring her lips to touching mine. I don't even think twice because I know this is my only chance.

I start hearing the police sirens from far away and I take my chance to kiss her even more passionate than I ever did before. I pull her close, breathe in her scent and take in the taste of her lips, trying to remember everything about her that I never want to forget.

I don't care about her tears making this kiss more sad than any other kiss we shared. I don't care about Harry and Liam being the ones interrupting and making us part quicker than I wanted to. I don't care about her not being able to say anything else to me, before I walk back into the house. Leaving her, Harry and Liam outside. I don't care because I wouldn't have want to end this any other way. She's safe. Her friends are safe. And there is no other positive outcome for this situation, although I somehow kept wishing there was.

'Ready boys?' I say while I'm walking back into the living room where Louis' leaning back against the wall and Niall's feeling the pulse of the dude he shot, probably for the millionth time.

'If you mean ready for this shitty life to end, absolutely.' Louis tries to sound excited. 'If you mean ready for this new shitty life to start, absolutely not.'

'They won't make us sit for too long, will they?' Niall looks at me concerned and as much as I want to put him out of his misery and tell him it will be nothing, I really have no idea myself. But my bet is that it won't be good. We've done enough to get punished for.

'We can still run.' Louis smirks.

The sirens stop right outside the door. And even though Louis just said another option we could take, nobody moves.

I nod and look at the two best friends I could never have missed during this past shitty life. And I mean everything about it when I say my last words to them, before the police officers storm in to part us for God knows how long. 

'It's been the shittiest but best pleasure, lads.'

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