The Loving Silence

Chapter 31

Yes, it worked. Rue was now alert. Rue was awake. And what did that mean? It meant Rue was spiralling. He felt like his mind was a high speed train that was going full speed off of anxiety alone.

Technically he had had some time to prepare himself for this before they called in the nurse, and also before Mica called for the guys. But anxiety cared very little for that supposed truth during this moment. As he sat there in the van, trying his hardest not to meet anyones' gaze, he felt anything but prepared.

What was about to happen to him? And how was he supposed to deal with all of this? All the courage and sureness he'd felt when he decided to take action and meet up with this woman, was now but a ghost of a memory. He did not feel brave. He realistically knew he was not alone. Not physically at any rate, but that didn't matter. The person he wanted there by his side wasn't there, and without him, Rue felt completely and utterly alone. It had been his choice to distance himself. His choice not to let anyone know about the "incident". He still believed he was right to act the way he had acted, but he had not expected it to be this hard. He didn't realise it would affect him this much, that it would feel quite like this.

In spite if himself, he looked up from his lap and was startled by what he saw. Several eyes met his and a slight blush emerged across his cool cheeks. He did not realise they had been watching him. But they were smiling at him and they looked kind. He tried to figure out how best to respond. The sides of his lips quirked up for a shadow of a second before he pressed his lips together, desperately trying to keep himself from talking up a storm.

"You're awake." Jules said in a pleased tone.

"I told you that I knew what I was doing." Raven murmured, utterly unaware of the effect his voice would have on Rue.

He knew that voice. He knew it, but he wished that he did not. In his heart he found himself praying, very near chanting, that the voice was an illusion. Something his traumatised mind had cooked up. Because that would mean that the other man was not truly there. He wanted, no, he needed for him to be a mere illusion. A figment of his overactive, anxiety ridden imagination. Merely his nightmares taking solid form. But it was not. The man was real and he was standing there right in front of him.

"How are you feeling?" Lune asked, completely disregarding the fact that Raven had spoken at all. In fact, he paid so little heed to him being there, that for a moment Rue dared hope he truly was not.

"Are you in pain?" Bly wondered.

Remembering he had to respond, he wet his lips. They suddenly felt bone dry, as if he had not had a drop of water in days. What was he supposed to tell them? And would his voice carry his words, even if he did figure out what he ought to say?

Only one way to find out.

"Nn-no, I am well." frowning, he shook his head once, "Not well, but I am here and I shall find the strength to cope somehow." He looked around curiously and noticed an absent face. "Mica." He thought aloud without meaning to do so.

"I am very glad to hear that." Lune smiled.

"As are we all. But do be sure to tell us the moment that changes. Alright? If you begin to feel unwell, or become unable to cope in any way, we must know about it."

Rue nodded once.

"Good. Mica is sitting in the front part of the van as Marcus is driving," Jules went quiet as he listened carefully, "and it appears we have arrived. We are here."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite." Jules said just before Marcus pulled the doors open.

"You are awake!" Marcus burst out delightedly. "How are you? Are you in any pain? Any at all?"