The Loving Silence

Chapter 10

Rue opened his eyes slowly and realised the room was dark. What time was it? It took a while for his eyes and mind to adjust to the dark room. He wasn't quite awake and didn't remember falling asleep or what he had been doing prior to that. When his eyes adjusted, he lit the bedside lamp and looked down at his clothes, and when he did, it all returned to him. He was still wearing his clothes from the day, and he remembered going to the restaurant in the morning, going back to the apartment with the guys to pick up his designs, and he also clearly remembered the moment when it had all gone wrong.

Part of him wished it had been a dream so that he could wake up, and then everything would be okay again, but he knew it wasn't. He still felt the sad twinge in his chest, the remnants of remembering things he'd rather forgotten.

Realising nothing good would come out of sitting there just feeling sorry for himself, he went into the bathroom and showered. Doing so always seemed to cleanse his mind and rejuvenate him. In a way, it was meditative for him. But this time, it didn't work. Neither the cold nor the hot water could tear his mind away from the day he'd had.

He got out of the shower and wrapped himself in a warm, soft robe. If he was going to get his mind out of this slump, he needed to be comfortable. Rue eventually decided to go downstairs, as there was no point putting it off any longer. He needed to know what they had or hadn't done and what had happened after he had fallen asleep. He couldn't remember anything after his friend had walked back downstairs, so he guessed he had exhausted himself enough to fall asleep soon after.

Feeling relieved and, at the same time, guilty, he observed that they had done exactly what he asked them to. The boxes were all gone.

Rue took deep breaths and tried to ignore the guilt that was threatening to eat him alive. They had done all that for him, and he couldn't even have them over or converse with them without breaking down like this. He knew, or rather he hoped, that his crush hadn't meant what he said in the way Rue's mind had interpreted it. If only he had been feeling better, more confident, stronger even, maybe he could've told Arlo how he felt, and they could've talked about it. But to Rue, that felt nothing short of impossible. The thought of Arlo knowing about his past, about the damage it had done to his mental health, and how much he still struggled... it terrified him. No one likes to feel like damaged goods, and having his person of interest realise that he was would break Rue's heart.

Even if Arlo didn't know of his feelings toward him, this way, Rue could at least avoid getting hurt, or as hurt as he would be when Arlo rejected him. By holding on to the unrequited love, Rue figured he could protect his heart from breaking.

But Rue didn't realise that by deciding not to share his heart with anyone, he was not only depriving himself of a chance at real love and a genuine connection, but he was doing the same to Arlo.

Rue's thoughts suddenly went to a halt as he looked over to his studio. Something was wrong; he could feel it. Something was different. Well, of course, it was; all the boxes were gone. But no, that wasn't it. Something else was missing.

Then he saw it. His precious one. It was gone.

Rue jumped off the bar stool so quickly it fell to the floor, and he ran to where his most precious design had once stood. He kneeled there and squinted his eyes as he looked to the floor. To anyone else, the messy floor would've passed off as just being messy with the remnants of the creation process, as it was indeed a messy process. But not to Rue. He knew better. He dragged his fingers across the floor and flinched when a tiny chard pricked his finger. He didn't care about his injury but instead took the chard and looked at it. As he did, his heart sank, and he leaned back against the wall, defeated. It was gone. The air just went right out of him.