The Loving Silence

Chapter 38

Rick walked down the driveway to his house. He felt exhausted. Even though they supposedly had received good news, it sure didn't feel like it. The nagging feeling that was something was very wrong was still there.
If he had learned one thing in his life it was that people did not change easily. Most of them never changed at all. So to him, it seemed unlikely that Rue would have changed so dramatically and even less likely that it'd happened in a matter of weeks. There was something about this situation that just didn't make sense and he wished he could sit down and talk to Rue about it. If he was here, Rick wouldn't be this confused. He would be able to look at him and know what was going on with him. But Rue wasn't here. Eilish was staying at his place. People Rick had never heard of or met before today were renovating the apartment building on Rue's behalf. And Rue? He was nowhere to be seen.
Rick didn't buy that Rue would've stopped by the apartment building, that he'd been there, or even been in town, all without getting in touch with anyone. There was no sign of him in his apartment. He had not been there in a long while. Rick was sure of that. It didn't matter what anyone told him. Something was going on with his friend. He might even be in danger. And one way or another, Rick was going to help him out of it. Whether Rue wanted him to or not. He was not going to let him walk out of his life. Not when he knew he was trying to do so for all the wrong reasons.
Before he even reached the front door, Penelope burst out looking frantic. "What happened? Is he with you? Is he hurt?"
"Who? What are you talking about?" Rick held on to the top of her arms, suddenly on high alert. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Calm down. Breathe love, breathe."
"Don't tell me to breathe! A member of my family is missing and he could be hurt or injured or even lying in a ditch somewhere. My baby needs me!"
Rick wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her lower back soothingly. He knew she'd been experiencing a lot of lower back aches at this stage in the pregnancy. He couldn't do much to aid her, but he'd done some research, and rubbing the lower back area 30-something times a few times a day was supposed to help.

"I am not telling you to do anything, love. And you're half right. Our baby needs you. Leave Rue to me. He's a grown man and he can look after himself. But I will always have his back."
"Then where is he?" She wept on his shoulder. The hormones were raging and he absolutely hated seeing her cry. He was useless when she cried. It physically hurt him to see her in any form of discomfort and when she cried, he didn't know how to make it better. And he always wanted to make it better.
He sighed and rested his face in the nook of her neck. "I wish I knew. I've failed him. I have been neglecting him lately. I must have, right? If he had felt he could trust me, could count on me, he would have told me what was going on. I swore I'd always be there for him, that day all those years ago. And yet when he needed me the most, where was I? Not by his side, that's for sure."
Now it was her turn to comfort him.she knew he had a habit of blaming himself for anything that went on with the people he loved. If she fell when he wasn't there, he would still find a way to take the blame for it.

"You have not failed him. You have done your best for him. Always—"
"Then why did he want to leave me!? Why is he not here? Why did he feel there was no room for him in our lives anymore? Having this baby is a gift. A miracle. And I wanted him to share it with us. I wanted him to be there every step of the way, as my brother."

He held her a little tighter and breathed in her soothing, floral scent. Even now that her scent had changed a little, and she perspired more due to her temperature changing back and forth, nothing could calm him down better than her scent could. Or to feel her arms around him. Her small frame - in comparison to his own - pressed up against his wide chest. And yet... it was not enough this time. His guilt weighed too hard on him. Like a ton of bricks that he carried with him in his heart.

"If I did not fail him as my brother, if I truly had done my best for him, how could he still not know how much I love him? How much we both love him? All these years and he still doesn't feel worthy." He shook his head. "Say what you will. That is my burden to bear."