Love The One You're With

Chapter 40-Beautiful Idiot

"Oh...sure," Sam choked out before scooting out of the booth and making his way outside. I turned to see Jake smiling hesitantly, but I couldn't bring myself to smile.

"Jake," I began softly, reaching out to take his hands in mine on top of the table. His deep brown eyes bore into mine in anticipation of my decision. "I love you so much...so much," I managed, but could feel the tears pooling in my eyes.

"I love you too," he smiled but looked confused. I blinked away the impending tears and shook my head.

"I-I'm just not in love with you," I finished, throwing the words at him like a spear straight through his heart. His face fell, and he pulled his hands away.

"Why?" was all he asked. He fidgeted with his rings and didn't look up, he just asked and waited for my response.

"You were perfect—you are perfect, Jakey. Please don't think you've done anything wrong," I choked out, knowing this wouldn't help how he was feeling in that moment. He finally looked back up at me, and my heart sank when I saw the glisten of tears on his cheeks.

"If I'm so perfect, then why are you picking Sam over me?" He furrowed his brows in frustrated confusion as he wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his shirt.

"You deserve more than this, and I just want something better for you—better than what I can give you," my voice cracked as I watched his face crumple. I hated hurting him, especially since I could practically hear his heart shatter. We both sat silently for a moment, just absorbing the pain. "Please don't hate me," I said through silent sobs, trying not to cause too much of a scene.

"I could never hate you," he sighed, "I'm hurt, and surprised, but.." he cleared his throat when his voice got caught, "I just want you to be happy, even if it's not with me." He exhaled slowly as if he was relieved to have this conversation nearing the end.

"You deserve to be with your perfect match, and I really hope you find her," I smiled through the tears that still fell. He scrunched his nose as if in pain, but stayed fairly stoic.

"Yeah, me too," he replied softly. I reached across the table again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing gently.

"Thank you...for everything," I said sincerely, swallowing hard to maintain the dam on my tears. He nodded in agreement, and I knew that meant he wanted to say it back and just couldn't. He stood up and pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tight as he shook with quiet shudders. I leaned back, reaching up to hold his face in my hands, and kissed him sweetly..for the last time, as a goodbye. When we pulled away, I turned to walk out before I could feel worse or try to drag this out anymore. I knew he needed space from me, and I wanted him to have everything he needs. He didn't come after me, even when I paused at the double doors of the restaurant, taking a deep breath.

When I walked outside, I didn't see Sam's car in the parking lot. Confusion and anger shot through me, but I tried to tamper it as best I could. I tried calling him, but I was sent to voicemail. Home would probably be the first place he'd go, so I hurried there. I parked and ran up the stairs to our front door, nervous that this had all been too much for him. Maybe he didn't even want me after all the hassle? Maybe I wasn't worth it?

When I reached for the doorknob, the door swung open, and I was face to face with Sammy. I forced a smile because it looked like he had been crying. "You look like shit," he said dryly as he wiped away his tears. I laughed and shook my head.

"You're such an ass," I rolled my eyes dramatically. "Why'd you leave?" I asked sternly, still a little upset that he bailed on me.

"I wanted to come home and pack so I could get out of your hair for a while," he replied plainly as he tried to step past me. I mirrored his movement, blocking him again.