Dear Diary... Nosipho's Life

Dear Diary 32... Shopping For The Little One

Today is Saturday, the day Ashley and I were going to buy things for my little girl and it was going to be the first time seeing Ashley since we broke up, before Ashley came my mother wrote a list of the things she thought I will need that weren’t on the doctor’s list.

Ashley arrived in a white range rover and we left, the way things were awkward, it was like my baby was feeling the awkwardness because she just started kicking and moving out of the blue, I placed my hand on my stomach

Ashley: What’s wrong? Is the baby okay?

Me: She’s fine, she’s just kicking

Without even asking for my permission or anything he placed his left hand on my stomach because he was holding the steering wheel with his right hand, the excitement on his face was ridiculous, he started talking to her

Ashley: Thank you for kicking for daddy princess, daddy loves you more than life itself

I was just rolling my eyes, she finally stopped kicking and he removed his hand on my stomach

Ashley: Does she kick like this every day?

Me: Yeah, but mostly at night

Ashley: She must have felt her father’s presence

Me: Maybe

Ashley: This really made my day, wow

Me: Yeah sure

We got to the mall and I don’t know if it was because he felt his child kick or he had already planned on spending that much but we bought everything both on my mother’s list and on the doctor’s list and then he bought everything he thought the baby would need, he bought a crib, he bought a car seat, some of the things he bought I didn’t know what they were for, all I knew was that they were for the baby. He bought that baby swing kinder thing, that rocks the baby to sleep, he bought tons of clothes, including designer clothes. He bought baby things to a point where the boot was full so we had to put some of the things at the back seat

Ashley: Where do you want to eat?

Me: Just buy me 2 pies and an orange juice I will eat at home

Ashley: Are you really gonna act like we are enemies?

Me: You and I have nothing to talk about so I don’t see why we should sit down and have lunch

Ashley: If you say so, fine, what kind of pie do you want?

Me: Steak and kidney

Ashley: 2, right?

Me: Yep

He went to buy them and then came back and took me home, when we got home my mom was shocked at the stuff we bought

Mom: Are you guys crazy? You guys bought the whole mall

Me: It’s actually Ashley, in every store that sold baby things he would ask people who work there what they think we are gonna need for the baby and if they mentioned something we haven’t bought he would buy it

Mom: That’s crazy

Ashley: I want my princess to have everything

Mom: This is one lucky baby

Ashley then off loaded everything and placed them in the living room

Ashley: Please call me if you need anything

Me: Okay

He left

Mom: So much things, this is crazy

Me: I know right

By the way my mom already knows about the bank account and she knows I have money in it

Me: I wanted to buy something for us to eat tonight but my feet were killing me

Mom: It’s fine, I already took out the chicken from the freezer to defrost

Me: Okay I’m going to take a nap

Mom: Okay

Maybe after 30 minutes in to my nap I received a call from Tumi

Me: Hello

Tumi: Hey friend, Tumisho took me out to eat at one of Ashley’s restaurants, guess who just walked in

Me: Who?

Tumi: Ashley and that girl we saw on his Facebook post, the way they are so cosy I think they are dating

Me: Oh, good for them

I swear, this never gets easy, it doesn’t matter how much I tried convincing myself that I’m over him, it still hurts

Tumi: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, I am, he’s not my man so he can do whatever he likes, friend I’m going back to my nap, enjoy yourself, I love you

Tumi: Thanks, I love you more

I don’t understand why I still love Ashley so much even after all he has done, he is still breaking my heart and I still love him, I couldn’t sleep anymore so I logged in on Facebook and blocked Ashley, I also blocked him on Instagram, twitter and WhatsApp after deleting his numbers which is pointless because I know them off by heart.

Maybe if I don’t see him my love for him will fade, what hurts me the most is that I’m pregnant with his baby and he is out there having fun, drinking, having sex with every girl at those clubs, he is just living his life while I am always in doors, fat, with clothes that don’t fit me, feeling like I’m ugly, I don’t have any life.