Alexis

Torna al Rosso

Photo source- Patterson (movie)

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Back to Red

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I was woken by loud banging on my door. Someone was knocking. My pillow/mattress moved. I frowned and cracked my puffy eyes open. Bare skin moved in front of my slits. Hands met my shirt and moved me. The fabric slid over my skin. The bed shifted as Vincent went to answer the door. I shoved my face on the pillow that Vincent was sleeping on. His smell lingered. My eyes closed. I was ready to slip back asleep. My bed felt so good. I felt that my bed always felt best in the morning.

Vincent said stuff in Italian to the person on the other side of the door.

"I need to give her medicine." Dr. Williams was on the other side of the door. My sleepy ears picked up his voice.

"She's sleeping."

"I still need to check on her," Dr. Williams said. I heard footsteps enter. I hope no one will bother me. I'm so tired and sleeping wasn't always easy for me. When I slept bad memories came to haunt me. No memories came today though. I wanted to sleep without them while I could. A hand gently gabbed my shoulder. I sighed and turned over. Dr. Williams talked to me for a while but I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about sleeping. He gave me medicine and some food to take it with. When he left, I got up to use the restroom. I locked the door behind me. I went pee and changed my pad. There wasn't as much blood but Dr. Williams told me what to do. I wasn't going to not listen again. I washed my hands but my eyes stayed on my reflection in the mirror.

I still had the chubbiness of a little girl's face. I realized, as death continued to swirl in my mind, that it wouldn't be there forever. One day, my face would mature. My status as a woman would become known, not just to the people that made it with me, but to everyone that looked at me. And I realized my dad would not be here to see it. He wouldn't see his daughter grow up and blossom into a woman. And I knew that I wouldn't blossom. I used to wilt but harsh winter breezes, lack of sufficient sunlight rays, blood on the leaves, and spoiled soil killed me. My roots no longer grew. They shrunk and hardened.

Well, he could see me from Heaven.

Maybe that was a good thing? Doesn't it hurt parents when they see their kids grow? That's what I always heard. It made them sad. I wouldn't want to make my dad sad. Not anymore. Dad was probably with my mother right now. And cousin Paul. And everyone else that passed.

It hurt when cousin Paul was shot and killed but not nearly as much as it did when it was my dad. Then again, Paul's death was executed differently. My face fuzzed in the familiar way that it did when I was about to cry. I remembered that getting over Paul's death was easier (not easy, I was young and it proved a very confusing time for me, just easier) because we weren't as close.

Speaking of, if Rose couldn't have kids, then why have I been calling Paul my cousin?

I needed to distance myself from everyone. I bent over and splashed my face with cold water. The liquid dribbled down my forearms and stuck to my elbows. I had to pat my arms dry after I did my face. When I walked out of the bathroom, Vincent was sitting on my bed, still shirtless, on his phone. He looked over at me when he heard the door.

He set his phone on my bed and focused on me as I walked over to him because I wanted to sleep and he was on my bed.

"How you feeling?" he asked me. I glanced at him but didn't respond. I didn't have it in me to lie but I felt that if I spoke, I'd sob. I heard him sigh before he held out his hand. "Come 'ere, Lex," he called. I slowly put my hand in his and he gently pulled me closer to him. I took the space that he invited me in. I put my face against his chest and gently inhaled. I wrapped my arms around him and spread my fingers across his smooth back. I liked how his skin smelled. It was comforting.