Alexis

Idi di Marzo

Ides of March

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"Behold, therefore I will stretch out mine hand upon thee, and will deliver thee for a spoil to the heathen; and I will cut thee off from the people, and I will cause thee to perish out of the countries: I will destroy thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD."

Ezekiel (25:7)

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March 15th.

My boobies hurt!

I woke up at six, still entirely exhausted, and my body aching. The worst was my boobs. They felt as if they were throbbing. I could feel each painful pulse. I sighed as I lay in bed. I put my hands on top of my breasts to gently cup them as if it would make the throbbing stop but it didn't. I wanted to cry.

Hurting, I turned over to grab my phone. I pulled up my search bar and typed in solutions to hurting breasts and read the information that popped up.

Use a hot or cold compress? Would that really work?

There was also a recommendation for a different type of bra but I knew that wouldn't help. My breasts hurt with and without a bra. I don't think buying a certain type will work. They can't trick me with their sales tactics.

I sat up in bed, slightly stretching. Slowly, I pulled myself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. The bright light irritated my eyes. I quickly switched the lights back off. I'd rather light candles to brighten the room. Candle light wasn't harsh. Candle light was perfect.

Before I left for my mission to hunt for candles, I plugged the drain and started to fill the bath with hot water. On my mission, I found my favorite candles, collected them in my arms as if I were a little gatherer, and brought them to the bathroom. I lit them before I fetched my phone. I shuffled some gentle tunes before I stripped. I glanced down at my breasts. They looked enlarged. Engorged. What ugly words.

I grabbed some bubble bath soap and poured some into the bath. Once it was bubbly enough, I switched off the water. Before I got into the bath, I found a white hand towel. Now, I had to decide if it was better to do a cold compress or a hot compress.

UGH– NO!

Jesus fucking Christ, Mary, and fucking JOSEPH, I'm so Goddamn stupid.

The water is hot! Obviously, that meant a warm compress. Would that even help? I thought heat made things grow? How come I used heat for period cramps? Did it not make my ovaries expand?

Whatever, I'm just gonna listen to the interweb. Hopefully, this works.

I made my way over to my drawers to pull out a hair clip. I clipped up my hair, strands all over the place from my tired and sloppy finger. My steps were slow back to the tub. Slowly, I got into the bath and sank into the water. The water was scorching at first and it burned the large cut on my leg and the three razor cuts scattered across my legs but I quickly became accustomed. Yesterday, I was chopping a block of cheese and bread with a large knife. Somehow– well, it wasn't the first time I dropped a knife in my life– I dropped it and on the way down, it cut my thigh. On that same day, I received three accidental razor cuts across my legs. One on my left knee, one on my right shin, and then again on my left leg, my ankle. It tore off a relatively large piece of skin on my ankle. It bled forever. It even bled through three bandaids.

I dunked the hand towel in the water to soak it and then laid it over my breasts. I sighed and put my head back. The hair clip didn't bother me. I had a towel back there for extra cushion. My eyes were heavy and hot. It felt nice closing my eyes. The water felt nice floating around me. The bubbles felt nice kissing my skin. The scent from the bath soap and candles felt nice lingering around my nose. The light music sounded so nice slipping in and out of my ears.