Painted Moments

27 Looking into War

Chapter 27
Looking into War

     The Graces met me at the hot springs to help me with removing the sticky sap in the lower pools. The bath was almost as exhausting as the fight. All the scrubbing and exfoliating tired me out. I promised myself a long relaxing soak in the main spring after.
   Unfortunately I can just jump in as I would if I was alone in this world. I now have a guest, and the clothes I had been wearing are absolutely beyond repair. The shirt had more rips than seams at this point, and the cotton pants are stained and practically slashed to ribbons from the thigh down.
    The knowledge that if it had been a real fight I would have been in a world of hurt was not lost on me. However, if it helped Luc follow his instincts, I guess some ruined clothes are worth sacrificing. I didn't want to go back to the Library for my swimsuit. So I opted for the more convenient style of my world. The Graces brought me a simple blue linen wrap dress. In my opinion the Ancient Greeks had it right. More modern styles were so constraining. Plus if I'm going to soak and meditate for however long it takes for Luc to calm down and come talk to me. Then I don't want to do it in a tight elastic swimsuit.
   Chari had just finished twisting the dark blue fabric into a braid down my back before knotting it loosely around my ribs, when Jolie informed me that Luc had stopped running wild in the obstacle course. He would be arriving by the trails in about half an hour at his current pace. Apparently he didn't want to wait for a buggy.
    That was fine with me. I needed time to myself. The Graces didn't get a lot of time to fuss over me like this. So I didn't want to hurt their feelings by telling them to leave when we had first arrived. I don't think Luc will appreciate an audience for this discussion though.
    I didn't have to ask them. Jolie noticed my unease, and started leading the others back towards the Library.
    "Don't be too hard on yourselves Cori. Luc has beaten himself up enough, and you did what you had to do to protect him and yourself."
   Jolie's warm hug reminded me of my mother. It was comforting, but somewhere deep inside the sting of wanting my real mother throbbed as she let me go.
   "She is right, you know. The only one to blame for you and Luc having to face such harsh realities so young is Harrace. You hold responsibility, but no fault in this."
    Chari kissed my cheek, and gave me an encouraging smile before joining Jolie at the mouth of the trail.
   "Try not to have too many serious talks like this Cori. This is supposed to be a vacation."
    Ephy wrapped her arms around my hips in a quick hug before running off to join the others. Finally, I was alone. The Graces parting words were ringing in my ears, but I couldn't focus. I didn't waste any time walking into the hot spring. My aches and bruises thanking me for the care.
   I swam for the falls. Letting the hot water warm my body, and beat away at the chill that seems to have clung to me since the night we escaped my house. I pulled myself up onto the rock ledge. The smooth and warm surface was perfect for curling up under the spray. I often meditated here finding perfect peace of mind. Now I feel like I'm clinging to this place in hopes that I can find just a scrap of the previous tranquility I enjoyed here.
   Leaning against the rock wall I curled into myself. Chari was right. It's not my fault, but I do hold responsibility. I don't want that responsibility though. The choking feeling that I've been hiding for over a week has turned to nausea in my gut.
    "I'm scared", I whimper aloud to myself.
    I keep telling Luc to follow his instincts, but all my instincts are telling me is I'm going to lose. I can feel it. Something about this stalemate is going to give, and when it does, Harrace is going to take as much as he can. I know I will protect my people, but at what cost. In all my years of training and fighting artworks I have lost life, yes, but I've never taken one. Will I have to kill to protect. What about the faces I know? I grew up with these people. Some of them I considered friends, others real family. Trudy? I worked beside her to save the world from wild artworks. We laughed together and cried together. Now she has chosen Harrace. Will I have to kill her?
    I buried my head in my knees, and tucked my skirt under my toes. The water flowing over my back felt like a warm cloak that I could hide from the world in if I just closed my eyes. Everything was just so messed up.
  What I had done to Luc today. The fear I made him feel. I know it well, and I lost. Will causing the loss feel even worse?
    I could feel the tears spilling over, but as long as I'm here I can pretend it's just the waterfall dripping down my cheeks.
  I don't know how much time has passed, but I know Luc will be here soon. This moment of weakness will pass, and I will have to be strong again.
   I can feel my body shivering. All I can think of is how scared this stupid Renewal war truly makes me.
    So like a prayer I say it again.
     "Creator please... What should I do? I'm so scared."
   I sobbed into my knees as my shivering got worse. I clamped my arms around myself trying to hold it together. The water is so warm, but I'm shaking as if I am submerged in the Arctic.
  I can hear a strange keening sound coming from my chest. That last plea to the maker of all things completely destroyed my ability to stay silent. I know my anxiety has finally caught up with me as I begin to rock back and forth in a motion I haven't had to use since I was a child to calm myself down.
     Suddenly I was pulled from my place on the rock, and into a strong embrace. He pulled me farther into the grotto. Fully hidden by the falls, he sat down in the water while holding me in his lap.
    "It's okay Cori, everything is going to be okay."
    He soothed, as he brushed my wet hair away from my face. I cried into his chest. Gasping out my fears like a sinner in a confessional. I released all my worry and grief, and whined for my parents like an injured puppy as he patted my back.
He listened in silence.
    Finally after my tears ran dry and my sobbing turned to sniffles he spoke.
    You're not alone in this Koi. You have me, and you have Mason. No matter what, whether we come out of this as warriors, sinners, or saints, or maybe a little of all three, we will stay together. We will fight our way through together.
      He rubbed his hands over my arms and back. He was doing his best to calm me.
    "Come on Cori, it's simple. You will be strong for me, I will be strong for you and we will be strong together for Mason."
    "But I can't be strong all the time. It seems the stronger I stand the more I have to push myself away from what makes me, me. The more I hurt the people around me and push them away. Look at what I've done to you."
    I tried to pull away. At this point I didn't care if I had to use my true strength to do it. I have brought nothing but pain, lies, and harsh realities into his life. Since we started dating, no, even before that, my family and I have never been good for him.
    Another thing I can blame Uncle Trevor for. He should have listened to Luc's mom and kept him safe.
   "Oh no you don't. You don't get to run from me without my permission, remember."
     He pulled me back into his arms with an unbending gentle strength. The same strength I have come to know from Mason, Aspen, and my Dad. Feeling it from Luc I knew he had finally broken free. He had taken those last few steps, and completely left his human façade behind.
     "Cori I don't blame you or your family for what you have to do to win this fight."
       He pulled my chin up to make me look at him.
      "I didn't say you have to be strong all the time. I said, "we would be strong for each other."
      He stared into my eyes, almost begging me to understand.
     "You and your brother for some reason think that protecting this merry band of three has to be all on your own shoulders. It doesn't. Now I've already knocked some sense into him about this. Now Let's see what approach I can use to get it through your head."
       Without warning I found myself pinned to the smooth wall of the grotto. My wrists locked above my head as I struggled to find the floor of the grotto with my tip toes.
      I finally got a good look at him now that my tears had fled to be replaced by shock. He still wore the clothes he fought in, but they were slashed up just as bad as mine were, if not worse. I could see the cut that had first whipped across his arms and chest. Though it was no longer bleeding, the thought that I allowed one of my creations to hurt him twisted my stomach.
     "I'm sorry."
       "For what, this?"
       He brought his free hand up to the injury.
      "You and I both know I've had worse scrapes training with your hunter squad so don't even start. This was caused by my own stubbornness, nothing more."
     "I don't remember you walking away from a spar with Chris and Frank looking like You got into a fight with scissor hands!"
       I bowed up towards him, pulling against his hand's grip on my wrists. I was getting mad. What I did was horrible. Why won't he let me take the blame?
       "Please, after the first cut to drive home he was serious, Iving only tossed me around. It was no different from my first spar with Mason after my seal broke."
    "But!"
      "No buts Cori. You don't get to be the villain in my story. I have enough of those hidden in the shadows."
     I looked away from him. Not wanting to admit defeat. If I'm not the villain then I'm not much better. All I've given him is chaos. If I couldn't convince him now I would have to retreat and wear him down later. At the end of the day I am just not good enough for him.
     "We should get you cleaned up, and a change of clothes. I'm sorry about your shirt. I know you liked that one. Can you let me go please?"
        "Don't do that."
          "I don't know what you're...."
         "That! That thing you do when you know I'm mad and not listening anymore. So you back off, and before I know it I'm going to sign for my dad's Will anyway. Even though I was stupid, and didn't want the money in the first place."
       "I promise this has nothing to do with that. I just want to help you get changed. A shredded shirt, probably full of splinters, can't be comfortable."
     I used my sweetest voice. This always calms him down. He stared at me for a moment, his face unchanging. I kept my face neutral and relaxed. Just waiting for him to do as I asked.
     "You really are a piece of work."
        "Huh?"
       "You're manipulative, and cunning. You're strong and level headed. You can take your emotions out of any situation and reach your goal with cold precision. I never really understood how you and Mason could do it until I woke up. My mind is so open Cori. Even though I know you did it for a reason. I know you and your family have been keeping me in the dark convincingly for years."
     He stared into my eyes, never looking away. A streak of fear raced up my spine, but I suppressed it. It hurts, but maybe he is finally getting it. There is no way I'm worthy of him.
    "Looks like I'm not the only one who has had trouble changing their view of me. Cori did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, the seal had something more to do with me swallowing your half truths more than me just being an oblivious Cog."
    "What?  But I..."
     "Shhhhh that's enough Cori. No more of your distractions."
      Without a word he reached up and ripped the wet shirt from his body like it was nothing more than wet tissue paper.
      "There, see no more excuses."
      My breath caught in my lungs. I finally understood what Mason meant when he said we wouldn't know who Luc the Nephilim would be. The seal had done more than seal his Nephilim abilities.
     "Looks like you're figuring it out. No more unexplained bouts of anger that force me from the room. No more confusing brain fog blinding me from my own thoughts and observations. No more punishing headaches. I am awake, and you can't hide from me anymore Koi."
    I pulled against his grip now severely frightened. Not of him. No never of him, but more of what I realized he could see.
    "It's too late Cori, I've been watching you quietly for over a week. Not to mention going through every clouded memory to clear out the cobwebs. If I haven't found anything to dump you over yet. I doubt you can come up with something new."
     I froze looking at him in shock.
    "You know every time you or Mason would mess up when we were kids; I don't know if you will remember, but you never really lied to me. I think your favorite line was, "Shhh it's our secret. I'll tell you later". Then I'd wake up the next day after a headache, and not think of it again."
    He smiled at me.
    "Mason would always do something cool in practice. Then brush it off with I'll teach you later like it was possible for anyone. You want to know something?"
     "What?" I whispered.
    I could barely make a sound. My body tense as I took in the man before me. Another facet to My Luc.
    "You both kept your word. Therefore, You didn't lie. You just made me wait for the truth."
     "But."
     "No Cori, I get to decide how I handle all of this. If you want to make it up to me. You don't get to pick and choose how you do it. That's my choice, and I choose you."
      He leaned down and kissed me, consuming every ounce of fight I had left in me.
     He pulled away from me to lean his forehead against mine. Both of us were panting for breath.
    "If you truly don't want me this way Cori tell me now. If you honestly think punishing us both for past mistakes that are already forgiven is the healthy  way to deal with this, tell me now. I know there will be other hard decisions in our future. I know we are going to argue and fight and hurt each other, but I also know that if you're willing I will fight for you."
     He looked me in the eye. All anger and bravado gone. In his eyes I saw fear. Fear that I would say no. Fear that I would leave him.
    "Cori say yes, and I swear, no matter what happens. No matter what gets in the way. I will always come back to you, and I will always love you."
     My heart was so full it hurt. He is right. No more lies, to him or to myself. I love him.
     "Okay."
      "Nope."
       "Wait what?"
      " I want to be sure, say yes, Cori."
        I laughed through fresh tears.
      "Oh gosh Luc, come on! You jerk!Yes! Okay? Yes!"
      His mouth slammed down onto mine. Effectively cutting off my rant. I'm surrounded by warmth. Melting into his embrace. I never want to leave. He finally released my hands. I used the chance to pull him closer to me. I wrapped myself around him. Clinging to him as if he is the only thing holding me together, I let all my inhibitions go. If this is defeat at the hands of Lucas I will submit to him willingly.
      "We better stop Koi."
         "Hmmmm"
         " I'll break my word to you and your brother if we don't. As insufferable as it is. We want to wait, right?"
        "Right."
       I pouted into his chest.
       "Don't sound so disappointed. You make it harder for both of us."
     " Alright"
       He stepped back from me allowing me to slide gently down the wall to put my feet on the bottom of the grotto. My face heated up making me a bit woozy as I realized how lost in the moment I had become.
    "You really look amazing in that dress."
      I looked up to see his face was probably as red as mine. Before he cleared his throat and turned away.  
    "I'm gonna go shower off. Would you like to stay here or meet me at the library."
      "Um... well I should probably get out. I'm feeling a bit over heated. Don't want to get dizzy."
    "Okay, I'll see you there."
     "Okay."
      " Cori? I just want to say. I know I was mad when you left the arena, but after some time on the course I felt so completely free. I was stubborn before, like a bird afraid to leave the nest. I know you don't like the way you had to push me out. I'm glad you did though."
    He turned to look at me over his shoulder with a sweet smile.
      "You gave me a tough love gift. I wouldn't have it any other way. That's why I ran here instead of waiting for the buggy. I wanted to thank you. Don't beat yourself up over it. It hurt my heart to find my Koi crying pearls into her own pond."
    I listened to him intently as we made our way to get out of the grotto. I almost tripped on that last line. My mouth was hanging open as he reached out and grabbed my shoulder to steady me.
     He busted out laughing.
     "What, is Mason the only one allowed to wax poetically?"
      " No, but I don't think even he would be brave enough to be that corny."
         "If I get to see the shock on your face as you actually try to imitate a carp I may just keep it up."
     I slapped at his arm.
    "You're impossible."
     "No, I'm in love, and I'm man enough to act like it."
     He pulled me into another breath stealing kiss before picking me up and carrying me out of the water. Stepping back, after putting me down, he smiled at me again.
    "I really do like the dress."
He smirked before turning to grab a few towels and soaps. Then he disappeared down the steps towards the lower bathing pools.
    I didn't really see his fascination with the dress. It's just a simple wrap dress with a modern twist. They were very common in ancient Greece and Rome. The Graces had been wearing them all day today. I looked down at myself and realized what he meant. The dark fabric was tangled around me and clinging to me like a second skin.
    That sly dog. I blushed to the roots of my hair, and quickly started running towards the Library. If I'm fast I can get changed into dry clothes before mister tease gets back.  
  Otherwise I know with his newly released abilities he will rush to catch up with me, and I'll be stuck trying to cover myself with thin wet fabric and no bra. I should have sent for my swimsuit. At least it has a chest liner in it. I was practically kicking myself all the way back to the library.
When I made it back to the front gardens Iving was waiting for me at the main entrance.
"Hey, the trees said you could use a towel."
He held up the big fluffy towel over his head. His little hands struggled to contain the rumpled material. I took it from him, glad to have something covering me.
" Why are you still in your child form Iving? I thought you preferred to be older."
"I'll grow up in a few hours. Lucas took a lot more energy to fight than I thought. This form takes less effort right now."
I kneeled down in front of him to look him over. I ran my fingers through his bangs, checking for any fading in his pigment or cracks in his body.
"I really am fine Cori."
Iving caught my hand to press his little round check into my palm.
"See I'm still warm with life. I will recover what I've lost before you know it."
"Doesn't mean I can't help you along little one."
Golden light glowed softly between my hand and his cheek. Just as I suspected his skin tone darkened a minute fraction into his original color.
"You can't hide it by dispersing the damage throughout your body Iving. You overdid it."
"The more he worked his anger and insecurities out on my puppets the less likely you two would have screamed and yelled at each other."
I patted his head in thanks. Then I flicked his forehead in admonishment.
"Whether I fight with Luc or not is my cross to bare. I decided to go along with your scheme. I'm just grateful it worked."
Rubbing at his forehead, he rolled his eyes at me.
"Still it wouldn't hurt to try to make it up to him. Maybe go on another vacation date before you have to leave tomorrow morning."
"That's a little difficult. We thought we were careful in New Orleans, and we still had a helper come knocking."
"So just stay here."
I shrugged my shoulders as I stood up.
"That's the plan. We will probably just hang out in the library tonight."
I walked past him ready to get dry and cuddle in for a lazy evening.
"Why not go see the Celestials?"
I turned to look at him, feeling a bit confused.
"Is that why you mentioned them in the fight? You hoped I would take you to see them? I thought you didn't like leaving the ground floor."
" Not me!" He shivered, "yuck, but I might have told them we have a guest. They want to meet him. Planned a whole choreographed show and everything."
That's a little surprising. The Celestials didn't show much interest in anything except dancing, or getting me to dance when I'm up there.
"So they just want us to watch? That's odd. They are usually more pushy than that."
Iving shrugged his shoulders.
"I may have gone up there and talked it over with them. They wanted you to dance, but I got them to promise. They won't ask you more than once, nor will they push the issue. They just want to meet him, and put on a little fireworks show."
That's a really tempting offer. One last huzzah before we have to return to face the world.
"Hmmm, I'll ask him if he is interested."
I ruffled Iving's bangs and pulled him into a hug.
"Thanks Iving. That's exactly what we need."
I waved goodbye as I ran up the rest of the steps and through the mains doors, with a smile. I didn't stop running until I made it to our room. I went straight to my closet. If I'm going to see, possibly dance with, the Celestials tonight, I know exactly what I want to wear.
I could feel my blush creep up my neck at the idea. It's going to be so cringy obvious that I'm wearing it for him. The look on his face when he sees me though might just be worth it. Besides, I love how this dress flies and flows around me when I dance.