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𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧
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TW! suicidal thoughts, mentions of death
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Mokusei and Kagan agreed to sleep over for the night, considering Mokusei was already fast asleep on the sofa and even though the three of you tried to get him to wake up, nothing seemed to work. It was like he was so far into his sleep, that even a bomb could go off right in the apartment and all he would do was smack his lips and turn over to his other side like in some movies and anime. It was obvious that Mokusei is a deep sleeper. Azami stared up at his ceiling, arm resting under his head with the purpose of being a second pillow. He couldn't sleep. He had been twirling and moving for around an hour now, trying his best to fall asleep. It all seemed too perfect. He saw his two best friends from years ago, you seemed to be returning some of his feelings, and he was able to handle his coughs and being short on breath easily.
Things seemed to be going too smoothly and the thought of everything going bad again gave him a twinge of anxiety. Again, he had a gut feeling something was about to go wrong.
He stared at the ceiling so much, that he started to notice all the cracks in the paint and the little cobwebs forming in the corner. His Adam's apple bobbed up as he gulped. His stomach growled and his mouth felt dry as if he hadn't had a drink in years. A groan left his lips as he pushed himself out of bed and walked to the kitchen, slumping his feet on the ground as he scratched the back of his head with his eyes half-closed. His hair was messy, standing up in every direction and needed a brush and a bit of water to lay properly back on his head. Just his fingers wouldn't do. A soft, chilly breeze hit his bare arms and goosebumps were quick to coat his body. The door to the balcony was open, the nearly see-through beige curtains blew softly in the wind like a veil. He stuck his head out of the door to check why it was open, and he immediately recognised the person who stood outside, peering over the railing down at the people who were walking outside late at night. Azami frowned as he walked outside as well, closing the door quietly behind him.
''Oi, Mokusei. Are you alright?''
He stood next to him and gazed at his friend who leaned on the black railing with both his arms, putting some of his body weight onto it as he stared out into nowhere. His head was slightly dropped down and his eyes were gloomy and the corners of his mouth were faintly cast downwards. ''Mokusei?'' Azami tried to catch his attention again, but he gulped once more when he saw a tear roll down the guy's cheek.
''Are you going to die, Azami?''
That question. It shot an electric pang through his heart. He clenched his jaw and looked away, staring into nothingness just like Mokusei was doing. He didn't know what to answer to that. He didn't know the answer himself. He felt like he was going to because of the attacks and pains he sometimes felt. He never knew when that pain would be the last one, he never knew when it was going to kill him. He felt like death was lurking in the darkness, waiting for the right moment to strike. And then there was always the question 'do you want to?'. He didn't know. How was he supposed to know? How would you ever be able to make up your mind about such a question? Was that even possible?
