just thinking about you.

the future

matilda 

After that night in the city, while walking her home we discovered we didn't live that far from each other.

Back then our days spent together eased into the nighttime. Walking along the trails behind her house and talked for hours.

Those days were simple.

But the peacefulness didn't last for long, soon after her mom became ill.

It started off slow, with dizzy spells, headaches, and periods of fatigue, and as her mother got worse she became reserved.

She never pushed me away, I longed to see the smiley, anxious girl I met at the restaurant, but after a while I realized she wasn't coming back anytime soon.

One day in an attempt to cheer her up, I brought some old bikes my cousins and I used to ride when we were teenagers. She was reluctant at first, but as we rode along the path I could see the corner of her lips turn up.

Deciding that we need a break before heading back home, we stopped at a little mom and pop bakery in the neighborhood. I let her pick a booth while I ordered some teas.

When I arrived at the table she was quiet and lost in her thoughts. She accepted the drink with a small nod of appreciation and I smiled that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Are you ok?"

She looks at me before taking a sip.

"I don't think I'll ever be ok anymore."

I take a moment before responding.

"Is there anyone that can come up to help you? You know, to take some of this off your shoulders."

"Nope," she says, popping the "P", "It's just me and her, like it's always been."

I never asked about her father, she never brought him up, and I wasn't quite sure if it was any of my business. I wish she wasn't alone in this.

"I wish there was something I could do to help."

"You're helping just by being here with me, and being my friend."

Yeah, friend.

"Yeah, but I would do this regardless- I want to help you with your mom."

"There's nothing you can do."

"Well, what did the doctor's say? Will this pass eventually?"

She looks away as if she doesn't want to answer my questions.

"She needs treatment, she'll only get worse without it."

"Ok, that's good news right? We can just get her treated and she'll be better."

"We can't do anything. Mom had to stop working when things got bad, now we don't have insurance to cover it."

"What about government aid?"

"They'll only cover a couple of sessions and she's going to need more than that. Not finishing the treatments once she's started them can make things even worse."

"Let me talk to parent, maybe we can-"

"No, you won't, it's no big deal, we'll figure it out."

"But-"

"No buts, promise me you won't."

She looks at me hard. I look back at her before giving in.

"Fine, I'll respect your decision, but if you ever change your mind, let me know."

"Ok."

"Ok."

I want to say more, but I just let it go.

"So how'd you like the bike?"

"I loved it, for a minute I forgot about the present, pictures of my future started to cluster like a mosaic- I felt free..."

I smiled to myself.

"What did your future look like?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"C'mon if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have even gotten on the bike.'

"Fine, but you can't laugh..."

"Pinkie swear."

We lock our pinkie fingers together.

"Ok, so in the future when I'm married, my mom will be healthy again. I'll have a beautiful wedding gown and a husband that I love, he'll come from a big family because we'll need people to fill the wedding venue and the only people I'll be inviting are you and my mother of course, you all will have to be there...Yes only you to because I don't really have a relationship with any other family members. Then after the wedding we'll move away and I'll start my career..."

Her eyes are lighting up as she talks, she believes everything that she's saying.

"I know this all sounds incredibly stupid-"

I cut her off.

"No it doesn't, I like it."

"Mmm, who knows, maybe my mind will change as time goes on."

"If it does that'll be normal, nothing stays the same forever."

"It may sound selfish, but sometimes I wish I could stop the time on moments like this and not have to return to my reality."

"I don't think it's selfish, it's normal to want to be happy."

By this time our drinks were nearly finished and the sun was nearing its downtime.

"C'mon let's head back home."

She quietly followed me out of the diner pausing before getting back onto the bicycle.

"You are right, you know..."

"About what?"

"Me, I just want to be happy." 

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Author's Note: 

Hiyaaaaaa! If you've gotten this far for starters THANK YOU SO MUCH! Literally the fact that anyone is vaguely interested in anything that I write makes me so happy, and I love you, and I hope you're taking care of yourself! 

Secondly DON'T BE A STRANGER, lemme know what you think! Do you hate the characters? Do you think something is stupid? Comment & Vote for me luvvvvvvvvv! Talk to you in a bit! 

(P.S. MATILDA MAKES ME UGLY CRY IT ISN'T VERY FABULOUS AT ALL) 

-wildflouwir