just thinking about you.

growing pains

as it was

"Are you sure you want to do this ladybu-"

A coughing fit interrupted what she was saying. I quickly jumped up and handed her a clean cloth for her mouth.

"I just...want you to be...happy."

She tried to ball the rag up, but I saw the bright crimson stains. Her bleeding has increased this past week.

"Don't worry about me mom, let's just worry about you ok?"

She tries to respond, but her eyes, weighed down by fatigue, can barely stay open.

"I come back and check on you later, I need to finish packing."

I know not to expect a response.

I'm halfway up the stairs when there's a knock at the door.

"Open up!"

I rush down the stairs to open the door.

"Can you quiet down? Mom is asleep."

"Please tell me you aren't seriously doing this?"

"I'm not having this conversation again."

I'm up the stairs and entering my room now. Most of my things are packed up, but a few odds and ends remain arrayed.

"Are you really going to throw your life away to be some picket fenced-wife? What about your hopes and dreams huh? What about your happiness?"

I turn my back to him and continue packing the room.

He grabs my arm.

"Let me go."

"C'mon, don't do this."

"You can't control me."

"But he can?"

I stopped pulling away and just looked at him, obviously stunned by what he said.

"I'm sorry- you know I didn't mean it like that."

While apologizing his grip on my arm loosening and I snatched away.

"No, you meant exactly what you said."

"Listen-"

"No you listen. You ask if I'm happy? No, I'm not, I haven't been for years. Since elementary school I've had to helplessly watch my mother wither away. Do you know how that shit feels? I bet you don't with your perfect life, perfect family, everyone's perfect little boy."

"I'm sorry for-"

"Save it, if you're not going to be supportive you can leave."

"I can't watch you throw away your life."

"He can help her."

"I can help you."

"And prove everyone right? That I only became friends with you because of your money? I'm helping my mother and then I'm getting the hell away from here."

"I don't give a shit about what they say, I care about you."

"And I care about her...some of us have to grow up."

I was on the verge of tears, and my hands were shaking. I didn't want things to turn out this way.

He shook his head in disbelief.

"You wanna know something?"

"What?"

"It's funny how you always called me a liar, but right now you're the biggest liar of them all."