On Thin Ice

25.

I snort at the statement. He isn't wrong.

"Hey give me one." Kaden lunges forward and tries to take the packet of candy out of Brady's hands.

Brady pulls it out of his reach and frowns, "I spent $5 on this get your own."

Letting out an over dramatic huff, Kaden folds his arm across his chest before sticking his tongue out a Brady.

"You guys are acting like kids." The sound of Atlas' footsteps get more audible as he makes his way towards me. "You picked out a something to wear yet?"

His hand comes I contact with my back; he keeps it there whilst looking down on me, waiting for an answer.

I hear Brady and Kaden snicker.

Atlas quickly realises what he was doing and removes his hand from my back.

"I figured you weren't much of a dress person so I picked this out." He holds up a matching black skirt and short sleeved top up.

It looked kind if short. Maybe revealing is a more suitable word. I haven't worn a short sleeves top in a long time, neither a skirt, and looking at it made me feel a little uneasy. 

Atlas scans my face as if he knew I wouldn't be comfortable with wearing it.

"Don't worry, I thought that maybe if you wore a leather jacket or something over it, it'd make you feel a little better." He explains.

I stare at him and back at the matching set in his hands before taking it.

"I'll try it on."

The corner of his mouth lifts up slightly but he quickly brushes it off with a nod. "Alright, me and Evelyn will find a jacket to go with it while you try it on."

Mason pats Grey's back somewhat proudly. Atlas flips him off but makes sure that Evelyn doesn't see.

Before he turns back around, I sprint walk my way to the changing rooms; my body still feels like it's on fire from Atlas' touch.

I just need to catch a breath, get away from him until I've calmed down.

My hand fiddles with the curtains before I throw the matching clothes set onto the bench in front of me. Frantically, I close the curtains like I could stop whatever the fuck I was feeling in this moment from coming into the enclosed space of the changing room.

This doesn't mean anything.
It's just a natural reaction to someone's touch.
Especially a guy.
Right?

I exhale slowly, trying to relieve my nerves before taking the clothes and hanging them up on the empty peg.

The palm of my hand connects with the white wall in front of me and I keep it there whilst I wait for my heartbeats to go back to it's normal pulse.

This is how I feel when I'm on the road. Adrenaline rush. The blood rapidly pumping it's way through my veins.

But the fact that Atlas' touch is giving my body the same reaction as when I'm behind the wheel can't be good.

Racing gets all the nerves out of me.

It's like taking a drug, dragging a blade across your skin, or downing a whole bottle of vodka and feeling that sense of freedom.

Relief.

I breathe in through my nose again and exhale.

Breathe in and out.
Breathe in and out.
In and out.
In and out.

FLASHBACK
November 8 2016

My hand is clenched onto the fabric of the tight clothing that hugged my body.

"It's okay snowflake, everything's going to be alright." My mom brushes the back of her hand against my cheek wiping a single tear.

I shake my head. "There's so much people there, waiting for me, watching me." I inhale shakily.

"They're all going to be watching me."

"I know baby, I know. But you're going to be amazing, I know you are." She gently takes my face I to her hands and looks at me.

"Here." Taking both my hands in hers, she squeezes it lightly and smiles.

"Breathe in and out." She inhales with me before breathing out; I try match my breathing with hers whilst tightening my grip on her hands.

"I've got you its going to be okay."

My head falls onto her chest as I feel my breathing go back to its normal pattern gradually.

"In and out." She repeats.

In and out.

PRESENT DAY
November 29 2020

"Autumn?" Another knock. "You good?"

It's Atlas' voice. My eyes skim my reflection in the mirror in front of me. A familiar knot builds up in my stomach.

I run my hands over the skirt, attempting to bring it down lower.

"Fine." Exhaling again I turn to face the closed curtain in front of me.

"Do you have the jacket?" I ask impatiently.

"Yeah I got two sizes in case you wanted one more bigger-" I pull the curtain open and his eyes immediately land on the matching set he picked out for me that was currently wrapped around my body.

The knot in my stomach tightens.

He opens his mouth to speak and brings his eyes back up to meet mine. "You look uhm, great. It suits you."

Scratching the back of his neck, he sticks his arm out to hand me the two jackets he picked out. Leather jackets.

I take them from him before closing the curtains again, taking away his chance to skim his eyes up and down my body.

I change the subject. "When did you become a fashionista?" I tease before pulling the jacket on.

The leather material fell just a few inches below the skirt. It didn't make me feel entirely better but it somehow eased my nerves a little.

"Grey told me that there's this app Lilah uses to get outfit inspiration."

I hum. "And what app would that be?"

"I think it was called Pinterest?" He sounds uncertain and that only makes it funnier. A rare sound escapes my lips as I stifle a laugh.

Fucking Pinterest.