Erkenci kus alternate

Let it go.

In the morning Sanem wakes up tired but sleep seems to elude her. After trying to go back to sleep for the 10th time she gives up.

There is restlessness in this room, she feels claustrophobic, and she needs to be out of this bed.

Jaan should also have been itching to get away from the confinement of the hospital room but he would rather be here besides Sanem than wandering around the world.

Sanem sits upright & requests "can we get out of this room for a while? I feel suffocated." 

She has not decided when or how to inform everyone that her entire memory is back, that she could recall every second of her past year till she got knocked over by Aylin.

Right now she craves fresh air like an addict wanting their next hit. She will decide later on what to do with her secret.

"Sure, there is a garden facing the sea just inside the campus of the hospital, am sure the doctor won't have any problem with you going there."

The garden was a peaceful place with nothing obstructing the view of the Bosphorus Sea. One could sit there quietly without getting disturbed by the oncoming traffic.

Once the doctor approves of this plan, with the help of a nurse, Jaan gets Sanem situated in the wheelchair and wheels her out towards the garden.

He stops under a tree facing the sea and simply sits on the ground beside Sanem, not talking.

He could feel some change in Sanem's mood since she had woken up, she had been more withdrawn in comparison to previous days.

Sure she was asleep half of the time, but even when she was awake, there was a vibrancy to her, which she lacked today.

Initially, Jaan was worried but when Sanem said she felt suffocated, her pensive state made sense to the wanderer in him.

Like him, Sanem too was a nature lover, she was best at ease when surrounded by her herbs and flowers, mixing her creams and making perfume.

After an hour, he asks whether she wants to go back in, thinking she must be tired, when Sanem tentatively asks "if I ask you to go home to rest, will you leave me?"

The sense of foreboding smacks Jaan in his solar plexus out of nowhere!

Why is Sanem suddenly asking him to leave today? When she was getting anxiety attacks just by the thought of him leaving the day before yesterday?

Hesitantly he asks "do you want me to leave? Are you already sick of my face?" he tries to lighten up the mood. But it seems Sanem, was not in a joking mood, she again asks "you had said that you won't leave my side till I ask you to? Will you respect my wishes if I ask you to take a break, go home, and get some rest?"

The way she framed her sentence, tickles something at the back of Jaan's memory, but the thought of leaving Sanem was sending him into panic mode!

It was not just for Sanem's sake he had not left, it was for his sanity.

Sanem was his oxygen! Even the thought of being separated for few hours troubled him.

So no! he didn't want to respect her wishes! He needed to be around her to survive dammit!

While she was in the Operation Theater, fighting for her life, he had made a promise to himself that he would become the best version of himself for Sanem and that he would keep her wishes at the top over everything else.

That self-made promise seems to come back to bite him in the ass though! 

He was not ready to leave Sanem even though, technically she had not directly asked him to leave, this was a hypothetical question!