TRIGGERWARNING (The Less Intense Version)

CHAPTER SIX ELLIOT

7:41 am
Thursday
The next morning, I woke up with intense back pain. I had slept on my coursebook, it was really not that comfortable. I got out of bed and heard all of my bones crack; the feeling was more than delightful. After my whole spine had broken, I got dressed. Binder on hoodie on pants on. But today I felt extra and added my trans pride pin, the pin would get me in a lot of trouble at school, but I couldn’t care less. I ran downstairs for “breakfast” aka smearing food on my plate and leaving. I ran off to the bus, and to my surprise I didn’t miss it. I got on just on time, everything felt like it was going perfectly. Anytime this happened, I thought something bad would happen soon. But I didn’t let my thoughts stop me from simping over that one guy in front of me. He was so fricking handsome, but sadly he wasn’t gay. I mean neither was I, but it was still sad, he actually was quite homophobic. But isn’t there the good old saying: “The homophobes are the gayest when their alone.” As I looked at him, I almost forgot that I had to get off the bus. As I got out some people were already staring at my pride pin. I didn’t care until I came into my class, the girls from the last row where already talking and laughing at me. I sat down and someone passed me a note, I opened it and read the first words. It said: “Your just seeking attention Ella, we all know your not trans. Just kys already, no one would care. You are a disgusting fag, and no one will ever like you.” I was on the verge of tears, I wanted to stay strong and pretended it didn’t bother me. All I could think of was the way they used my deadname without knowing how intense this hurt me. It felt like they just stabbed me right in the back. As I wanted to go over to their table, the teacher barged in and tod us to stay quiet. We were scared, was there a shooter? Had someone committed again? But she just told us to stay quiet. We sat there without talking for legit 20 minutes. Then the teacher told us that someone was in the school, and they were attacking it. All the teachers escorted us into the basements, and we had to take only our most important belongings with us. Then we finally found out everything, it was just a terror training for us, because not far from our city a school shooter had attacked a school. We were all so relieved as we heard that, but also, we were a bit angry. The teachers could have at least told us that it was just a training. Then we were allowed to go back to our classroom, I was happy about the training. It meant we had just wasted two hours of school time. So now we had our 20-minute break. The rest of the school day was as boring as everyday. But the way home was what I feared, my Stepdad would pick me up at school. I waited for him outside and as he arrived, we both looked us dead in the eyes, then I got in the car without saying a word. As I didn’t look, I accidentally hit my schoolbag against the car, I was in big trouble now. We drove behind the school so nobody would se anything, and then he hit me straight in the face. As he shouted:” You dumb girl, why can’t you be less clumsy for one?” I screamed back at him:” I´m not a fucking girl.” Then he went silent and let me get out of the car. I had to walk by myself. Ugh why does this have to be my l