The Why Behind What We Feel

Chapter 5- Find the Why

"Ugh, I'm having dreams about the periodic table. I'm so ready for this exam to be over with so I don't have to think anymore," Aspen groans, leaning back in his chair.

"So you don't plan on thinking after college? That's just over?" I smirk at him.

"I promise I won't be thinking about Chemistry. I won't even need it in life, so why do I have to learn it?"

"To pass college," I remind him.

"Good point," he sighs, closing his chemistry book. "Can we please be done for the day? All this knowledge is giving me a headache."

"Yeah, I think we're good. We'll pick back up tomorrow," I say, starting to gather my things.

"What are your plans for tonight?" Aspen asks.

"Uh, I don't know. Probably more studying. I have my history exam tomorrow."

"Oh, okay. What about tomorrow night?" he asks.

I stand up and pull my backpack straps over my shoulders. "Tomorrow night?"

He nods, watching me expectantly.

"More studying?" I shrug.

He rolls his eyes, making a face. "All you do is study! Let's do something fun!"

"Okay...what do you want to do?" I ask.

He takes a second to give it some thought, tapping his finger to his chin. His dirty blonde hair falls over his eyes and he puckers his lips out to blow it away. "Let's go swimming! It's blazing hot out and Drake's brother has a pool."

"You want to go swimming?" I repeat, feeling the joy being sucked right out of my body.

I'm not a fun in the sun kind of girl. It's too hot, my skin burns easily, my hair will be a mess for days, but worst of all, I loathe the way I look in a swimsuit.

Aspen must catch on to my lack of enthusiasm. He gives me a concerned look, as if he knows I have my reasons for not wanting to go. "Or, we can do something else. Anything is more fun than studying."

I chuckle. "You're right."

"If you could do anything you wanted to do, what would it be?" he asks, chewing his bottom lip.

He's always chewing his lip, fidgeting with his hands,  popping his knuckles. Those are all tell tale signs of anxiety. He could probably use some fun. I probably could too.

"I've always wanted to ride go carts," I say.

His eyes light up, widening with excitement. "I love go carts! You've seriously never ridden one before?"

"Nope. Never."

"Then let's go! We can go to Pier Park tomorrow!"

He's so excited. He must really need this. Sometimes I get so caught up in my day to day routine that I forget to stop and smell the flowers, as my grandmother would say. If it goes on for too long, I start to stress, doing all the things Aspen is doing that give away his anxiety. We need some fun and we need it in high doses.

"Okay, sounds good," I smile. "Well, I've got to get going. I'll see you tomorrow, Aspen."

"Wait, let me walk you home," he says, quickly gathering his things together.

"Don't you have class soon?" I ask him.

"Yes, but I can make it back in time," he shrugs.

"I've been walking home alone for years. I think I can handle it today too. Just go to class."