Chapter 35- It Doesn't Necessarily Get Easier, You Just Get Stronger

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*Trigger Warning -> recounting of sexual assault


November 4th, 2013:

We were all back in the dance studio with the managers and staff, watching our performance on Sejin's laptop. I had been given a cold compress for my knee, Jimin and Jungkook were putting cream on their backs and legs for muscle pain, and Yoongi was getting his shoulder massaged. We really were a healthy bunch I laughed to myself.


"What happened at the end there Jimin?" asks Hoseok after just passing the domino move in the video, "your legs stopped running".


"I know, I'm sorry. I thought we were near the end of the line, and we weren't, but I had already relaxed my body," he says sounding mad at himself, "I don't know why I did it".


"I might be to blame a bit too, I lost my grip on him slightly halfway through," Jungkook admits, "you might have lost your balance because of me".


"I guess you both messed up then," Hoseok says, still watching the performance intently, "Y/N, you were also a beat off, you just got back on beat like 5 seconds ago".


"Yeah, I'm sorry. It was hard finding a place to smoothly get back on beat," I apologise.


"Why were you offbeat in the first place?" Sungdeuk questions.


"I went big in the fall as Hoseok-oppa said to, but my knee hit the floor pretty hard," I say pointing to my beaten-up knee, "it hurt a lot".


"We get that Y/N, but you really have to keep with the performance," Beomsoo says looking at me disappointed. I hated the fact he was the one to point it out, but he was right, the boys were just as beaten up, I should have gotten up faster.


"I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again," I say looking down.


We finish the entire performance and we all sit down so we could see each other.


"It wasn't bad, but their easy mistakes were done," Hoseok states.


"For the amount of time practiced," Hobeom interjects, "this was disappointing".


"Yes, I agree. Jimin and Jungkook's mistakes and then Y/N being offbeat, and I noticed her lack of stage awareness. During the second part, she was constantly near a member when there were areas on stage that needed filling. Frankly, Y/N overall if you hadn't done so many mistakes the group wouldn't have looked so bad," adds Beomsoo.


Wow. Was he really targeting me like this? Literally, no one pointed out the "stage awareness" issue, and without it that results in me making the same number of mistakes as Jimin and Jungkook. What was his problem.


"What is your problem with me?" I ask bluntly. I was tired of him picking on me and constantly belittling me.


"Excuse me? I wouldn't have a problem with you if you didn't make so many mistakes," he throws back.

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