Walker: Wish To Be A Walker

Chapter 27

TW- Self Harm

Birds were chirping their late evening songs as Maddie sat on the chair overlooking the ranch, absentmindedly watching the setting sun. Two weeks. Two weeks had passed since she had come to live at the Walkers, three weeks since her father had been killed. It felt as if she were only going through the motions of living, it was as if there was this fog in her mind she couldn't get out of. The Walker's had been more than kind to her, doing as much as they could to help her but still she felt like she was just numb. She didn't feel anything. No pain. No sadness. Just an overwhelming numbness.

Her father's funeral had been just a little more than a week ago, the only people who had been in attendance being herself and the Walker family to support her. It had been a simple affair, a preacher friend of Abeline's officiating the graveside service. Being there, watching his coffin being lowered into the ground, Maddie had felt as if she were detached from herself. Like she wasn't really there. She hadn't shed any tears either. She didn't know how to feel or what to think. Everything in her mind was just so muddled up…

The man who had killed her father, Carter Sheppard, had been sentenced to life imprisonment earlier that week. She had been at the trial, had to recount the events of the evening before the jury. All through the trial and when she had been on the witness stand it was as if she were emotionally detached. She was just numb. Numb to everything. Even the knowledge that the man who pulled the trigger was going to jail for the rest of his life hadn't stirred any feelings.

The other men who had been there that evening had also been charged on different accounts. They were a part of Northside Nation, something that Cordell had tried to explain as gently to her as possible that her father had been a part of. Clint West had been right. Her father was a criminal but hearing it come from the Rangers lips made it feel all the more real.

Her whole world had come crashing down.

Again.

'Hey Maddie.'

She turned at the soft voice, Cordell coming over to sit down beside her. 'Hey.'

'How are you doing?'

She shrugged, looking at the sunset. 'I'm okay… I guess. Just a lot to think about.' She replied softly, fingering the paper in her hand. 

'I can imagine.' Cordell replied after a moment. 'I know... different circumstances and all that.. but when Emily died I was left reeling for weeks. There's-there's no time limit on grief Maddie. Y-you take all the time you need to work through it. You know we're all here for you.'

She nodded. 'I know. I appreciate it… You've all been so kind… I still can't get over the fact that Stella and August did that room up for me.'

'Yeah, they sure worked hard on it too.' He looked down at her when she didn't reply. 'How did... How did your counseling appointment go?'

'It was okay. She wants me to set some goals to go over with her next time we meet but I haven't the faintest clue where to start.'

'Is that what the paper is about?'

'Kinda.' She unfolded it, a sad smile coming to her lips as she turned to him. 'It's the bucket list Mama and I wrote up to do when she got sick. We wrote down all the things that we wanted to do together, some we could do then and some for when she got better. As you can see-' She passed it to him with a soft sigh. 'Mama and I never finished it.'

Cordell read over what they had listed, numerous things ranging from writing songs together to seeing mustangs out in the wild. 'That-that's a lot.'

'Yeah…' He passed it back to her after a moment and she folded it before returning it to her pocket. 'We had planned to go visit the horse that they based 'Spirit' off at the mustang sanctuary in California for my twelfth birthday but then Mama's health went downhill so quickly… And we never did get to finish the bucket list.'