𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕔𝕥 || 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕧𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕥𝕠𝕟

THIRTY-FIVE

"Irina," Steve said in a knowing tone. He could see her leg rapidly bounding up and down under the table. "I'm excited too, but I'm not mass producing pancakes at this time of the morning."

"Is it really that bad to want a nice breakfast before a cool sport event?" Irina sighed.

"Irina, come on. What's wrong?" He asked. Steve really didn't want to press, but if it was something that was bothering her so much as to cut into her sleep, then it was something he needed to know about. She let out another sigh and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I've been having nightmares again." She whispered reluctantly. As soon as the words left her mouth, she refused to meet Steve's eyes. She'd been having therapy since Hopper's death and she didn't want him to think it was all a waste of time. She hadn't had a bad nightmare in months.

"Baby..." Steve trailed off, reaching across the table to take her hand in his. "You know you can tell me about your nightmares. You know I'll stay up with you until you feel safe." Steve said. That's how it worked. She'd have a nightmare and feel shaken and vulnerable for a while after and Steve would sit and hold her, sometimes for hours, until she felt like she could breathe again. She still rarely told him what happened in her nightmares. But it hasn't happened in months. And she still felt bad for keeping him up.

"I know, but this one was different." Irina said.

"What do you mean?" Steve questioned with furrowed brows. "Come on, baby. Talk to me."

"It was... it was like a memory. You know, when you're young and you remember things, but it's fuzzy?" Irina said and Steve nodded. "It was like a childhood memory, but it was clear. It was so clear."

"What did you... remember?" Steve asked.

"I remembered a man and a woman. They were in the front of a car and I was in the back. It was snowing and I remember we were driving for so long. And then we arrived at Kamchatka." She explained.

"What's Kamchatka?" Steve asked.

"A place in East Russia. There's lots of mountains and snow. It's very secluded. The perfect place for a prison camp." She told him, hinting at what she was getting at. Steve felt his stomach drop and he squeezed her hand in reassurance. "The man and the woman got out of the car like they knew what they were doing but then some guards approached them with guns. We were surrounded. Some of the guards... grabbed me and started pulling me away and the man and woman were yelling and screaming and it was all so loud until the guards started firing. The man and woman were dead and I was being dragged away. And that's when my life started. I've never remembered it so clearly before." Irina explained with tears in her eyes. Steve immediately stood up and pulled her into him as she cried a little.

"I'm here. I'm right here with you." Steve coed, stroking her hair. She loved those words. Like she said, it was all about feeling safe.

"Steve," she whimpered and looked up at him. "I think the people that were shot were my parents. I think that's how they died. But I don't know why I'm remembering this now." She said.

"We'll figure it out, beautiful. I promise." Steve told her, placing a hand on either side of her face and pressing a long kiss on her forehead. Just then, the song on the radio changed and Irina's head perked up immediately. It was her favourite song. Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush. Max had made her listen to it one day and she'd been obsessed ever since. Steve moved Irina's arms around his neck and placed his own on her waist.

"It doesn't hurt me. Do you wanna feel how it feels? Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?" Irina sang as herself and Steve swayed back and forth around their little kitchen. "Do you wanna hear about the deal I'm making?" She sang.

"You," Steve joined her singing. "It's you and me." They sang.

"That is actually very true," Steve said as the song continued. "It is you and me, Irina."

"Always." Irina smiled.

"Always."

***

can i just say how excited i was when i watched st4 and saw max listening to kate bush?! i love kate bush! and running up that hill is literally one of my favourite songs hahaha. me and my mum used to listen to it every day while driving to school when I was little aha. i love hounds of love, babooshka, wuthering heights and cloud busting too so if you haven't heard those i would very highly recommend listening to them.

also, i CANNOT believe how well this book has done. i published it thinking that it was only gonna get a few reads and i remember getting super excited when it hit 1k reads and got a few comments, but now it's had over 200k reads and 500 comments!! i honestly cannot describe how thankful i am, i love you all and hope you enjoy season 4 as much as I enjoyed writing it!!